From Forever to Forever
by Quatre-sama
Summary: This is a bittersweet romance about Quatre; heterosexual and homosexual situations run rampant--read the warnings!
1. Prologue: To Have

Here's my *new* pride and joy, my new baby (since What's Meant to Be is no longer spinning constantly through my mind).This is a long fic, inspired by, well, Please Save my Earth.(I'm **so **in love with Issei it's pathetic.It rivals my Quatre-obsession at the moment.)So, this fic came out of it.

Warnings: Umm…in this section, I guess the only thing would be shounen ai.Maybe language—I don't remember.

Pairings:well, this is a 3x4/4x3 fic, but this section only as 3+4 and 2+Hilde.My big warning is that other than Trowa, all the characters are straight (well, Quatre has some tendencies . . . he just needs to accept them . . .) and of course, like all my straight-fics (and most my fics, in general) this is sympathetic to Relena.I like her, and I've vowed to stop apologizing to the GW fan-fiction world about it; if you can't deal with her, well, don't read it.

Disclaimer:Gundam Wing, of course, is not mine.It's owned by Sunrise and the Sotsu Agency, along with whatever copyrights the N. American companies added to it.

C&C is more than welcome.

From Forever to Forever

Prologue: To Have

"The peace of the world will in the end 

depend on our capacity for friendship and

our willingness to use it."

—Bertha Conde 

Christmas Day, A.C. 198—Quatre Winner—4:00 p.m.

I run through the halls, trying to find the other pilots.I can't wait to tell them my news—I haven't seen them for three months.I'd been pretty busy, and I hadn't been able to call them while I was away, so now that I'm back, I have to make up for the lost time.And there's a lot to tell them.I can't keep the grin from my face—I've been like this for three days.

The Preventor Headquarters aren't incredibly large, but it takes a while to get from the barracks to the recreation room.I'm pretty sure they're in there—at least Duo and WuFei are.There's no telling about Trowa and Heero.They're not exactly the most social people, so I kind of wonder if they're even going to be at the Christmas party.

When I enter the room, it's pretty crowded and noisy.I can't even hear Duo's remarkably loud voice.He should be here, though.He wasn't in his and Trowa's room when I checked—none of the guys were in the barracks.I pray that they're all here, I'm too excited to round them up, and I want to tell them all together.

"Hey Quatre!"I finally hear Duo's voice over the clinking beer bottles and the loud stereo.He weaves through the crowd of billiard players and clamps on to my shoulder."You made it!"

"Yeah," I say, trying to hold back on my grinning until the others are here."Where are the rest of you guys?"

"Over here," Duo says, pulling me across the room.Heero and Trowa are leaning against the wall, scowling and drinking.I can tell that things haven't changed that much.WuFei's finishing his turn at the pool table.They don't look incredibly happy, but I know that their presence alone means a lot."We figured you'd be calling today to tell us that you couldn't make it after all—you've been too busy to drop us a line every now and then?"

I blush slightly at his admonishments.I was busy—but there was more to it than that.Trowa and Heero nod their hellos and WuFei hands me his cue stick.I set it on the table, careful not to bump anything.

"I have been pretty busy for the last month—but it's not what you think," I begin.

Heero raises his eyebrows slightly."You mean, you haven't been buried in your family business since you left?"

"Then why haven't you bothered to call us?"Trowa actually sounds . . . concerned.

"Well," I say, pausing to take a deep breath, "I met a girl."

"Ah, I see now."WuFei smiles, almost mischievously.

"Yeah."I don't bother hiding my grin now."Her name's Silvia.Silvia Noventa; her grandfather was Field Marshall Noventa, of the former Earth Sphere Alliance."

Heero nods again."Yeah, I know her.So does Trowa."

"Really?"

"Mm-hmm," Trowa concurs."We met her during the war, when Heero was recuperating."

"She mentioned something about having already met a gundam pilot—I guess I just forgot."I shrug my shoulders.It's not that important to any of us now—Field Marshall Noventa's death was in the past now, and we'd atoned for it ten times over during the war."But anyway," I continue, shaking my head, "I met Silvia when I was back in the L4 cluster, and we really hit it off."

"Great!"Duo claps me on the shoulder again.I'd forgotten about that annoying habit of his."So why isn't she here?"

My smile is so wide it actually hurts my cheeks."She's in Marseilles, with her family.We already had different Christmas plans, so we decided to go ahead and separately tell everyone that we got married."

"Married?"I've never seen Heero look so bewildered.His eyes are wide and his face pale."But you're a Preventor.We can't just run off and start families!"

WuFei scowls—I've been expecting that sort of reaction from him."Marriage is seldom wise among children."

I shake my head, my smile lessening."We're not children anymore, WuFei.I'm eighteen, I've lived and fought more than most people on earth, I already own a colonial corporation—the list goes on.She's older than me—she'll be twenty in four months—and she's already got a stable career in the parliament on my colony.I don't think we've been careless about it."The bitterness in my voice is noticeable.I expected them to be happy for me.I glance at Trowa and Duo, looking for support.

"Is she pregnant?"Duo asks, his face straight.He's not joking.

"No," I answer, my voice surprisingly even, despite my rising anger."We didn't get married because we had to.We did it because we wanted to, because we're in love."

Duo watches me closely for an instant, maybe searching for some sign that I'm being completely honest or something.But after a minute he breaks into a grin and hands me his beer."This calls for celebration!" he shouts, yanking me close for a hug.

I pull away, pleased that someone finally seemed to get it.I immediately give the beer back, though—I was raised Muslim, so I can't drink with them.Instead I look over at Trowa, who still hasn't really said anything.I'm about to say something to him when he leaves the room.

I suppose "leaves" is a really subtle way of putting it.

He storms out, probably heading toward the barracks.I want to follow him, but WuFei pulls me aside.

"You know, I don't exactly approve of marriage and all, but I'm sure you'll make it work better than anyone else I know."His voice is soft; his words are sincere.I don't know a lot about his past, but I remember he did tell me about the wife he had before the war.I can't blame him for being against marriage after his ordeal, so I'm incredibly grateful for his words.

"Congratulations, Quatre," Heero says, tossing me the cue stick again."Wanna play a quick game?It may be our last chance, considering that the last time I saw your wife, I was going to let her kill me, and she was almost mad enough to do it."With a strangely maniacal laugh, he starts pulling the balls out of the pockets of the table.

"Ignore him," Duo whispers."He's probably half-drunk.I doubt she still holds it against him."

For an instant I wonder what I'm getting into.But it only lasts for an instant.I love her, and I know that she's completed my life.

Christmas Day—Trowa Barton—6:54 p.m.

He didn't follow me.I want to hit myself every time I think about him.Of course he didn't follow.He probably hadn't noticed that I left.He's too happy, he's enjoying his newfound wedded bliss.

And where does that leave me?

I'm being melodramatic.Catherine always tells me to loosen up, not take things so seriously.But what can be more serious than this?I know he's making a mistake.He's got his whole life ahead of him—his career, his family—they can wait.He has to live his life before he can settle down, right?

Even as I tell myself these things, I know that there's something else bothering me.This isn't the way I'd always seen it.

The frigid air feels good out here on the balcony.It's a little too cold, since I don't have a coat—but I really don't care right now.I just don't want to go to the mess hall, where they've set up a Christmas dinner.The others will be there, and Heero will examine me, wondering what is making me even more withdrawn.And Duo and Quatre will talk about Silvia Noventa, and how distinguished and beautiful and intelligent she is.Quatre will tell them all how he met her, and what their first date was like, and how he proposed.And the whole time WuFei will give me sympathetic looks, as though he's figured out the secrets of the universe, and he knows that I haven't yet.

So tell me, WuFei, how do you deal with the love of your life marrying someone else?

Even to myself it sounds ridiculous.

How can I love him?We're both soldiers; we're both guys.

How can I not love him?

I sigh, leaning against the painfully cold metal railing.I want the day to end.I want to go to bed and wake up with some sort of answer.I want to stop feeling angry and betrayed.Why should I feel betrayed if I've never told him how I feel?

"Hey."Quatre.His voice is soft, gentle.For a moment I wonder if that's the way he talks to her.But then I get the image of him kissing her, holding her.My stomach turns, and I get angry with him, angry with myself.

"Why aren't you having your Christmas dinner?"My voice doesn't reveal any of my emotional turmoil, and I'm thankful.

"I wanted to see why you were out here," he answers hesitantly.Though my back is turned to him, I'm certain he has one hand on the doorframe, the other in his pocket.His head is probably cocked slightly to one side, and in this light his eyes are undoubtedly a deep turquoise shade.

My thoughts only make me angrier.I want to lash out, but I don't know where to begin.

"Will you come back inside?" he asks."It's way too cold out here, Trowa."

I love the way he says my name.Even though it's not my real name, every time he says it, it feels as though I'd had it since I was born.I want him to say it again, and I know that if I don't answer him, I might hear it.

"Trowa?"I don't smile, but I can feel an old familiar soothing sensation in my chest.He continues."It's really cold.Don't you think you should come inside?"

And listen to them all talk about Quatre's new perfect life?I'd rather stay out here for the entire night.

I feel him step closer to me."Tonight's my last night with the Preventors," he says, his voice low."I resigned this afternoon.You're my best friend, Trowa.I'd really like to spend the evening with you."

How many times have I thought the same thing?I close my eyes—they are burning, and I'm sure I'll cry soon if I keep thinking like this.Of course, the context of my thoughts was undoubtedly different.I feel really strange.

I turn on him."Why did you do it?Don't you realize what you're going to miss out on?You won't be able to go on any more missions, you won't be able to hang out with us.You have an entire life to live and you're tossing it aside in order to lead some crazy fantasy life.You hardly even know her—you just met a month ago."I can't finish what I want to say.How can he choose someone he's known for a month when I've loved him for three years?

His eyes flash with anger."Listen, Trowa," he says, his voice filled with venom.I've rarely heard him sound like this."I didn't come out here to have my decisions questioned.I think I know better than you what I want from my life.I don't need missions to make me feel like a strong person.I don't want to go around fighting for the rest of my life.I care more about her than I've ever cared about anything."His eyes soften."But next to her, you're the most important person in my life—I came back today hoping for some support, not to be chastised by my closest friends."

So that's how it will be from now on?I'll be the second most important person in his life, while he's the center of my universe?It isn't right.I would hand over my life to him in a heartbeat if I could, but apparently he would never care enough to let me.And what will happen once he has children?Will I be bumped down, gradually becoming the third, then the fourth most important person in his life?

I'm being selfish.But I love him too much to just watch him leave.I try again.

"Did you consider how other people feel about you?Did you ever think about the people you'd be leaving behind?" I ask, stepping closer to him.I want to touch him.

"Others?"His face pales."What are you talking about, Trowa?"His voice growls slightly, as if he knows what I'm about to say and he doesn't want to hear it.

I ignore his warning."I always thought that somewhere along the line we'd leave the Preventors together."I reach out to him, tugging his shoulders.He resists slightly."I thought that maybe _we'd_ end up married someday."There.I've said it.

His eyes go wide, his mouth hanging open just a bit.I've shocked him.I've probably disgusted him, too, but I don't care.I yank him close to me, crushing my lips against his.One arm winds around his waist and I cradle his head with the other.Just one kiss before I let her have him.I've dreamed about this numerous times.But never did I dream that he'd struggle and push me away.My chest hurts from the force of his shove.

"What are you doing?" he demands, taking another two steps backward.His face is twisted into an expression of horror and anger."Trowa—men don't marry men, they marry _women_."His voice drips with sarcasm, and I refuse to let my emotions show on my face.His words are killing me."How could you do this now—_today—_when I came to tell you about my marriage?Damnit, Trowa, you can't do this!"

I press my lips firmly together, trying to deny the stabs of pain in my chest."You're right," I answer softly."I'm sorry I said anything."I brush past him, heading inside.I'm sorry I ever confessed.I'm sorry I ever fell in love.I'm sorry I ever met him.

But I'm still in love with him.I can't stand it, but I still want to be the one wearing his wedding ring.

Christmas Day—Duo Maxwell—9:23 p.m.

I'd have to be blind not to notice the tension.Quatre isn't talking to anyone.Trowa hasn't been seen for hours.It's so obvious to me that it's hilarious no one else has figured it out.

Trowa is hopelessly in love with Quatre.He has been for a while now.The first time I noticed it was when we finished out last battle against the Libra.Heero had flown off into space, and we landed on MOII, along with Quatre's Maganac troops.Quatre was still in a lot of pain from his duel with Dorothy—she kicked his ass in that sword fight.

But Trowa immediately ran over to his side and carried him to the infirmary.I followed—I was concerned about Quatre, and I didn't really have anything else to do.When I got into the sickbay Quatre had been laid out on an examination table and he was unconscious.Without the adrenaline of battle, I don't think he could handle the pain.

Trowa was taking care of him, cleaning the wound with gentle hands.And he looked scared.Now, in the three years I've known Trowa, I don't think I've ever really seen him look scared.I don't think I've ever seen him look like anything—he's always just calm, sensible Trowa.But that time he looked worried.And he was so careful.It was really weird, watching him handle Quatre with such tenderness when I had seen him kill hundreds of people.I guess that's always surprising with mobile suit pilots—but it was really weird with Trowa.

And that's when I realized that he loved Quatre. 

Looking back it's really obvious that he's always had a thing for him.But I didn't know where to look, I suppose.Up until today I thought that Quatre loved him back, too.

Who'd've thought Quatre would be straight?He's not exactly the most . . . masculine guy I've ever met.He dresses so primly, and he's awfully sensitive.I guess I always figured him for gay.But now he's married—so I suppose that means I was wrong.Unless he's denying his own feelings, that is.

I don't know why I'm stressing over this.I guess I don't have anything better to think about.Hilde brushed me off again—I'm kind of getting the idea that she's not really interested anymore.But I don't want to give up just yet.I just need to lay the Maxwell charm on good and thick.That's gonna make her realize what she's missing!Or maybe I could play WuFei's game.He always pretends that he's not interested in Sally, and it drives her crazy.She'd bend over backwards for some attention from him.Or I could be like Heero.He just laughs maniacally and spends his free time in the shooting range, ignoring the world around him.Yet Relena Darlian still sends about twelve messages a week.Personally I think he's on the verge of a mental breakdown.I wonder if he ever writes back . . . 

Overall, I think this Christmas has sucked.Yeah, I'm happy for Quatre, but I'll never understand why anyone would give up the Preventor life to get married.Then again, Hilde's a Preventor, so I get to see her all the time.But I still don't understand marriage.I think Quatre's the only Gundam pilot who gets life on the outside.The rest of us are too caught up in the killing and the scheming to understand falling in love in any normal way.

I've been sitting in the lounge for at least thirty minutes now, and no one else has come in.WuFei's in the library, I just know it.And Heero's probably at the range.No telling with Trowa.And Quatre may as well not be here.I think he's concerned about Trowa.No, he's smiling, so he's probably remembering how good it is to hold Silvia.Not that I blame him—I've seen plenty of pictures of her to be jealous.Somehow this sweet little killer friend of mine managed to snag one of the hottest girls in the world.

Poor Trowa.

[Click here to go on to Part One][1]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_199.html



	2. Part One: In Health

Disclaimer: GW is owned by Sunrise & the Sotsu Agency and probably a bunch of other people.Not mine.I'm just borrowing.Don't sue.

Warnings: well, umm . . . everyone's straight!

C&C?Please?

From Forever to Forever

Part One: In Health

September 22nd, A.C. 199—WuFei Chang—11:30 a.m.

I grab the map from Sally with a sigh.She's got us lost.Again.I don't understand why someone as brilliant as her has so many problems with maps, but it never fails.And here we are, driving around the whole damn colony looking for Quatre's house, because she insisted that she navigate.

She gets out of the car, still angry with me."I'm getting a soda," she says coldly."Do you want anything?" 

I shake my head, pulling my reading glasses out of the glove compartment.My head's buried in the map, but I still notice the way she stalks off toward the gas station store.I try to hide a smile.She's cute when she's frustrated.

The map is relatively simple.We just missed an exit—that's easy enough to fix.However, Sally _had _led me down some weird back road in order to get back on the main highway.It probably set us back about twenty minutes.Still, no big deal.

She slides in again, holding the cold soda can against her forehead."Why on earth would any one _willingly _live on a desert colony?"

I smile.I like it when she whines.It's nice to be reminded that she's not a super-human.Taking off my glasses, I hand her the map and start the engine.

"You know," I begin, after a moment's silence, "we've been living together for nearly a year now."

"Yeah?"Her breaths quicken.She must be nervous.But she tries to hide it.I like it when I can see through her."It's good for our missions; who cares what the guys will say?"

I bite my lip, nervously.I've never done anything remotely like this in my life."Well, what if we stop thinking of it as business?"

"You mean . . . you want us to _live _together?Like a couple?"Does she have to sound so incredulous?

I can feel my face flush.Is she really interested in me, or had I interpreted her actions the wrong way?"Yeah, like a real couple."There's a lot more I can say, but I can't get the words out.I don't know where to begin.Do I confess that I had purposely stood next to her at the New Year's party in order to kiss her?Do I tell her that I like cooking dinner for her, though I try to disguise it with complaints?Do I tell her that she's the one who made me finally begin to let go of Meiran?

I can't say a thing.I glance over to her, hoping to smile instead, but her eyes are glued to the passing scenery.Way to give a guy some confidence, Sally.

"I'd like that, WuFei," she says softly.She reaches over and gently covers my hand with her own.

I almost swerve off the road. 

September 22nd –Hilde Schbeiker—5:28 p.m.

When we show up for Quatre's birthday party, a sprite-like girl answers the door.She looks like she's younger than me, but I can tell by Heero's expression that this is Silvia Noventa-Winner.Wow, I have to say that Quatre did well for himself.She's lovely.It's hard to think that she's a year and a half older than me.She looks all of sixteen.For a moment I'm grateful that Duo hadn't met her first.

"Hello, Heero," she says, as we enter the foyer."You must be Hilde and Duo.I've heard lots about you from Quatre."She takes our coats and leads us toward the reception room.

Duo leans toward me."I forgot how rich Quatre is.It's kinda weird, considering how our conditions are in the Preventor barracks," he whispers into my ear.I smile.Duo's not one for whispering, so I can tell that he's really awed by Quatre's home.

"I'm really glad you guys could make it.I was afraid it was just going to be us and the Maganacs."She laughs prettily."To be honest, I've known them all for a year and I can only remember about twelve of their names!"I almost tell her how long it'd taken me to get all the gundam pilots' names straight, but don't want to hurt Heero's feelings.For so long they were just a bunch of guys with mobile suits.

Heero steps forward to talk to Silvia."So how are the defenses on this colony?"

Duo snickers, and I can't help but laugh a little.What is with that guy?I know he's Duo's best friend and all, but frankly I think he's a little psycho.Who talks about defense when there hasn't been a major battle in three years?Duo's bright eyes meet mine and he grabs my hand.

"So, are we gonna tell them?" he asks, his voice low.

"Tell them what?" Quatre asks, popping out from a nearby room, dangling champagne glasses between his fingers.He greets us all with hugs and formally introduces us to his wife."What's the news?" he asks Duo, handing a glass to each of us.I refuse, and I notice that he doesn't keep one for himself, either.

"Well," Duo begins, scratching his head."You see, Hilde and I are engaged."

"That's wonderful!" Silvia says with a smile.She takes a bottle of champagne from the table and pours it.Duo gulps down his entire glass.Maybe I was wrong to accept his proposal.

"Is she pregnant?" Quatre asks, smiling smugly as if he's enjoying some kind of private joke.

Duo starts to cough and sputter while Heero thumps on his back unmercifully.I can't hide my blush, so I look away.The carpet is lovely—I'll examine that instead.Duo never explained to me how very blunt his friends can be.

"Actually," Duo says, "We are kind of expecting a baby sometime in April."

"Really?" Quatre exclaims.I glance up and meet his wide eyes."I was just kidding—that's what Duo asked me when I married Silvia!"He's flustered and blushing cutely.

I can't help but laugh.Maybe this won't be so bad after all."That's not why we're getting married.I couldn't pull Duo away from the Preventors if I wasn't sure that he really wanted to do it."

"Oh," Silvia says quietly."I forgot that you'd both have to leave the Preventors."

Duo nods glumly."I hate having to leave, but those are the rules.Hilde puts in her last two weeks after New Year's, and I'll be leaving right before the wedding."

"And when will that be?" Heero asks.

"July," I answer promptly."The kids will already be born, but it'll be a lot less hectic than getting it done with now."

"Kids?"Duo asks with a confused expression.I cover my face with my hands, mortified all over again.I guess I forgot to tell him about my visit with the doctor.

I nod, grinning like an idiot."Twins."

Duo always was one to believe in "the more the merrier."He grabs me up in a bear hug, and the others congratulate us excitedly.

"What's this I hear?" WuFei asks dryly as he and Sally make their way across the crowded reception room."Maxwell's breeding?My God, what is this world coming to?Next thing you know Heero will run off and marry Relena Darlian."

We all get a huge laugh over that one.

September 22nd—Silvia Noventa-Winner—11:28 p.m.

I nuzzle gently against Quatre, still excited by the secure sensation of his arms wrapped around me, despite the year we've been together.I can't remember sleeping alone.And I don't want to.

I can smell the scent of his skin—like water.I find it strange, since he was raised in a desert colony, that he always smells like water drawn from a fresh spring.And his skin always feels so cool against mine.

I nuzzle even closer, lowering my head into the shallow dip separating his shoulder from his collarbone.

"Are you awake?" I ask, knowing that he is. 

"Mm-hmm."He doesn't want to talk.But he needs to.

"You're upset that Trowa didn't come."I meant to ask it as a question—but I already know the answer.He'd been upset all day, from the moment he realized that his friend wasn't going to show up for his birthday dinner. 

He nods and glances down at me.In the dim light of our bedroom his eyes look almost brown."I thought he would come."His voice is gruff—he's fighting his emotions, as always. 

"Do you know why he didn't?"I hold him tightly. 

He shifts uncomfortably."We had an argument last year, when I left the Preventors.I haven't heard from him since." 

"An argument about what?" 

He rolls onto his side, turning me with him.I feel his lips on the back of my neck and smile."We just—it was nothing important." 

I know he's lying.Trowa means too much to him to hold a year-long grudge over something trivial.And even if he's not mad at Trowa, something is definitely keeping him from searching him out. 

He clutches his hand to my heart, as if it's his own."I know he's not ready to talk yet—and that bothers me more than anything," he confesses in a low whisper.

I don't understand this pain he feels, but I will do my best to make him forget it.I bring his fingers up to my lips and kiss them softly.Turning over, I draw his angelic face close for a deep kiss.He responds hesitantly at first, but then his arms wrap around me tightly.I know that this won't cure whatever wound Trowa had dealt my husband, but maybe it will sooth it.

His kiss deepens, becoming fierce, demanding.I'm more accustomed to his gentleness—but I find this new side of Quatre incredibly arousing.Suddenly it's as though I can't get near enough.I break the kiss, trailing my lips down his neck, letting my fingers explore the contours of his chest.He's lean and solid, and I can't help but grin at the glint of his wedding ring in the dim light.He's mine.

His hands drift toward my shirt, unbuttoning the satin pajama top and pushing it over my shoulders.I sit up slightly, allowing him to pull my shirt off completely.Quatre pushes me back down, leaning over me and kissing roughly as his free hand delves into my hair.He twists it around his fist, holding me against his mouth as his tongue pursues mine.

"Quatre," I murmur, twining my arms around his neck."It's just you and me, now—two against the world."Kissing the top of his head, I whisper the words he'd reassured me with when everyone said we'd married too quickly.His hair smells faintly of shampoo, and feels so soft against my lips.I will never let anyone cause him pain again.

Suddenly his expression darkens.He pulls away, turning away from me to clutch his pillow."I'm sorry—I—"He clenches his eyes shut, shaking his head."Allah, Sil . . . I'm sorry." 

I quickly shove away my disappointment at his abrupt rejection.This isn't like Quatre.I've never seen him like this—so hurt.So vulnerable.

Pulling him back to me, I cradle his head against my shoulder.His warm tears dampen my skin.I hold him tightly, closing my eyes and vowing that he will never be hurt like this again.Not for as long as I live.

[Click here to go to Part Two][1]

[Click here to return to the Prologue][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_200.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_198.html



	3. Part Two: I Do

Disclaimer:They're not mine.Don't sue; it's not like you'll get anything.

Warnings: enter Relena.You don't like her?Well, I guess my advice is either to stop reading or to accept it.Shounen ai . . . 

C&C are always welcome.Flames, too, come to think of it! 

From Forever to Forever

Part Two: I Do

July 14, A.C. 200--Quatre Winner—2:18 p.m.

"What time does the wedding start?What time is it now?" Silvia asks, tugging on my hand gently as we walk away from the car.

"The invitation said two-thirty—we still have time."If there's one thing I've learned about Silvia, it's that she hates to be late.It's almost a phobia of hers—she'd rather be twenty minutes early than one minute late.We head toward the park lodge, looking for signs of a wedding.Duo wanted a quiet affair—Heero hadn't even thrown him a bachelor party or anything like that.But Hilde said she at least wanted some kind of service or reception for their friends and her small family.

"Quatre!"Duo cries, running over to meet us.He looks nice, dressed up in a tuxedo."You've gotta get me outta here!"

"What?!" Silvia asks with a shocked laugh."Duo—you've got to be kidding!"

"I thought wedding jitters like this only happened in movies," I laugh. 

"You obviously didn't attend Zechs Merquise's wedding," WuFei sneers, approaching Duo from behind."I think he made Noin a little more than nervous—she had Sally guard him the whole day before the wedding, just in case he decided to head off to the colonies."

Duo looks thoughtful for a moment."The colonies, huh?I wonder—can I get to a spaceport before Hilde figures out what's going on?"

"I think these two might protest to that one."Trowa.

I turn around to see him approach, holding a tiny, swaddled baby in each arm.Duo's twins.

Duo's face softens and he goes over, taking one of the children in his own arms."What do you say, Judas?" he asks the child, leaning down to kiss his forehead."Do you think Daddy should make a run for it while he can, or go ahead and marry Mommy?"

Trowa smirks and hands him the other baby."I think they both agree that Mommy would murder you if you ever came back.I suggest you stay here, if you want to live."

I can't help but notices all the changes in Trowa. He's taller—and thinner.Somehow he seems more distant than ever, even more than when he had his amnesia.I guess back then I felt that everything would eventually right itself.I'm not as optimistic now.Seeing him with everyone makes me wonder what I've missed out on.I'd never really thought about Duo or WuFei or Heero hanging out with him.But why wouldn't they?I fight a twinge of jealousy.Trowa's my best friend—I don't like the idea of him being closer to the other guys.

With a sigh, Duo hands the children back to Trowa.It's obvious that he wouldn't mind keeping the tiny children, but I imagine he has a lot to do."I guess I'd better go get Heero.Thanks for looking after the twins, man."He pats Trowa on the shoulder and runs off, WuFei in tow.

It's the first time Trowa and I have been alone together since that night.Well—alone except for Silvia.Where are my manners?

"Sil, this is Trowa, my best friend since the war.Trowa—this is Silvia."I pull her closer, wrapping my arm around her waist.She smiles at Trowa, and he nods back, since his hands are quite full.

"Do you need any help with them?" she asks, gesturing toward the children.

Trowa shakes his head."Actually, I'm pretty used to this.Catherine—my sister—just had twin boys last winter.I like carrying them around, and my arms rarely get tired anymore."He smiles.Allah, I've forgotten how rare and wonderful his smiles are."Are you two planning on having children soon?"His expression changes slightly.I can't tell what he's thinking—I hadn't remembered his ability to mask his thoughts.

I grin."Other than all my sisters—you're the first to hear the news—we're pregnant!"

His eyes widen with surprise."When?"

"She'll arrive in early January," Silvia answers, smiling broadly.

"She?" I ask, turning toward my wife with an arched eyebrow.

She blushes prettily.She's still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."I'm not certain yet—but I figured the odds were in favor of a girl, considering your family and all."

She has a point.I nod, shrugging my shoulders."I guess we'll find out in January."

Trowa motions toward the chairs set up on the lawn."I think it's about time to get started."

Silvia walks ahead, but I linger a moment, looking at the babies in Trowa's arms.It's hard to believe that in six short months I'll have one, too.My eyes meet Trowa's over the tiny bundles and impulsively, I grin.He smiles back.

July 14th—Hilde Schbeiker—4:56 p.m.

As much as he fakes it, I know that Duo's happy.There's nothing he's ever wanted more than a family—and now he has one that's all his own.I can't help but grin like a maniac as I watch him waltz around the room with little Tresa in his arms.

And I've never been happier, either.I really love him.

Who would've thought?Sure, I thought he was really cute when I met him—but somehow I saw through his manic behavior.A guy like him had baggage that he'd bring into any relationship.But I was so attracted to him I thought I'd be able to fool around yet keep my distance.Boy, was I wrong.

I fell hard—even before the pregnancy I knew I was in love with him.

And now I feel like my life is complete.Seeing Duo so happy only makes me feel better.

He's not the only one dancing.WuFei and Sally are whispering into each other's ears as they hold each other close, finally willing to risk looking like romantic saps in public.Quatre's dancing with Une.He's a good dancer, surprisingly.I can't believe I've known him for four years, yet I've never seen him dance.

I notice Heero leaning against the wall, staring into space.He's still as handsome as ever—but I haven't ever heard his name attached to anyone else's.Duo seems to think that he's still messed up from the war.Shell-shock or something.That's why Duo and I decided to invite . . . 

My eyes scan the room.Certainly she came, didn't she?

I see her leaning against the doorway, champagne glass in hand.She's talking to Silvia.

I pick up my skirts and head toward Heero.

"Come on," I say, grabbing his arm with my free hand."You need to talk to someone."

He wordlessly follows, his eyes widening when he sees Relena Darlian.

"Actually," Silvia is saying as we walk up, "socially I prefer to use only my husband's name.But at work I think Representative Noventa-Winner keeps people from assuming that my political views are mirror images of either Quatre's _or _my grandfather's."

Relena nods, not noticing either Heero or me."I understand that well.I've met the same assumptions with both Darlian and Peacecraft.If I weren't so well-known already I'd contemplate changing it all together."

She laughs prettily, tossing her head slightly.Her eyes catch Heero's and she smiles widely.I can tell that she's awfully surprised—but I think her experience as a politician has given her as much control over her expressions as Trowa has.

"Relena, I was wondering if you've had a chance to speak to Heero yet," I say, pushing him toward her.

Silvia's blue-green eyes meet mine, laughter hidden in them.She excuses herself and pulls me toward the buffet table.

"Are you purposely trying to make him squirm?" she asks with a laugh.

I nod."They've been obsessed with each other for the past five years.Obviously _they_ weren't going to do anything!"

We giggle as we see Heero leading Relena to the dance floor.

"Are you playing matchmaker?" Trowa's cool voice asks from behind.

I nod with a laugh."Watch out or we'll find someone for you next!"

July14th—Duo Maxwell—7:58 p.m.

Hilde's somewhere around here.I know she is.

I go into the kitchen, wondering if that's where she's hiding, but it's empty—well, except for the remainder of the wedding cake and WuFei and Sally making out.

Wait—WuFei and Sally!?I can't help but sneak a peek at them as I head out the door.I've never seen Wuffie stand that close to anyone before.They're really cute when they let themselves get sappy.WuFei's probably the _last _person I'd ever thought I'd catch sneaking kisses from his girl.

Grinning, I leave the kitchen and head to the lodge foyer.Hilde's not there, either.But Trowa and Quatre are, and they're talking.It's about time.Trowa's been avoiding Quatre since he married Silvia.I'm sure it's because he still likes him—it's clear in the way he looks at him that something's still lingering.Maybe talking about it will finally end things.

I slip back into the hallway, not wanting to interrupt.

"So you'll come for Christmas then?" Quatre asks hopefully, but keeping his eyes fixed on the floor.I've never seen him look so nervous—almost as though he expects Trowa to say no and walk away.

"I will."Trowa's voice is somber—typical.I know I shouldn't be listening, but come on, it's not like they'll say anything juicy—Quatre's still practically a newlywed.

"I'm glad."His tone doesn't convince me.Quatre looks up with a sad and hurt expression."I missed you last year."Suddenly I feel like I'm really intruding.I wonder if I should try to slip away.

I stay. 

Trowa is silent for a long moment—like he's going through some inner conflict.He speaks again, his voice thick with emotion."I've missed you, too.I'm sorry I made us part on such bad terms."

Call me crazy, but this conversation is definitely more that just idle small talk.There's an overtone of seriousness that I don't think I want to understand—almost like there's a separate, silent dialogue going on.

"She's beautiful," Trowa says with a defeated sigh."You and Silvia—you look great together."

Aha!So it _does_ boil down to that!Maybe Trowa's not as ready to let go as I figured.Funny, I'd heard plenty of rumors about him in the past year—I thought he'd gotten beyond the whole Quatre thing.

"Thanks," Quatre says, looking sheepish."So, are you . . . with anyone?"He glances up at Trowa, his eyes wavering and his voice faltering.

"Not really," Trowa answers.He seems to be talking to the painting behind Quatre's head.

This is making me nervous.I can't help but notice how . . . relieved Quatre looks.I'm probably just jumping to conclusions, but if it hadn't been for Silvia, I'd've sworn those two would've been together by now.

After an awkward pause, Trowa tells Quatre that he has to head home now.

"When will we see you again?"

Trowa shrugs."I'll be around."He hesitates for a moment, then hugs Quatre, leaning his head on the smaller man's shoulder.Quatre doesn't move, his hands shaking at his sides.As Trowa's leaving, he stares out the door after him with a lonely expression.

I know I've intruded on a very private moment.I don't even know why I watched them in the first place; I need to find Hilde.Shaking my head with disgust at myself, I turn around only to find Silvia watching from the shadows behind me.Her worried eyes are glued to Quatre, and I have to wonder if she saw the same thing I did in that conversation.Shaking my head as I wander off to find my own wife, I certainly hope she didn't.

[Click here to go on to Part Three][1]

[Click here to return to Part One][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_201.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_199.html



	4. Part Three: To Cherish

Quick note:umm, some of the more technical pregnancy/labor/Caesarian information has been left out for several reasons.A). I've never had any labor experience, and I'm not planning on *ever* getting any labor experience, and B). I don't really think Quatre would fill Trowa in on all the icky details.For the record, Silvia's situation was complicated by not only fetal stress during natural childbirth (hence the emergency Caesarian), but also a condition called _placenta previa_.It complicates labor and puts the mother in extreme danger.(thanks, mom, for all the info!!)

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise and the Sotsu Agency (I believe)—not me.

C&C?Yes!Please!Mail me today!! J

From Forever to Forever

Part Three: To Cherish

New Year's Day, A.C. 201—Silvia Noventa-Winner—1:00 a.m.

I can't believe it's finally happening—I'm going to have my baby—and Quatre isn't here.I called him right before I was driven over; he's been away on a business trip for the past three days.He said he'd be back on Earth by eleven-thirty.He should be here already.

I shift uncomfortably in the hospital bed, trying not to disturb either the IV or the monitor strapped to my belly.Through the open door I can see the nurses and interns in the halls, kissing and wishing each other a happy new year.I wonder again where Quatre is.

Just then, a tall man walks by, clutching his hand to his chest.It's wrapped in gauze; he's obviously trying to protect it from the madness in the corridor.He's looking away from my room—I can't see his face, yet something about him seems so familiar.He turns his head, watching the hall ahead of him, and I recognize his profile.Only one man in the Earth Sphere and Colonial Alliance has hair like that.

"Trowa!" I call out, glad to see a familiar face.He stops in his tracks and turns toward me."What are you doing here?"

He enters the room, closing the door to shut out the noise from the hall."Happy New Year, Silvia," he says, sitting down in a chair next to the bed."I thought your baby wasn't due for another month."

I shake my head."No—actually she's right on time.What happened to your hand?"

The corners of his mouth curve upward in a sheepish half-smile."I was helping out at the circus—my sister's aim isn't always perfect.And once I got here, I made a point to come up and visit a friend—she had her baby just yesterday."

A familiar pain washes over me and I clench my eyes shut, taking in a deep breath.My fisted hands clutch at the sheets until the contraction subsides.

"Are they five minutes apart?" Trowa asks.I nod."And how much have you dilated?"

Oh God—I am _not_ talking to my husband's best friend like this.I try to keep from blushing."Not enough.The nurses say it may take hours."

He nods."People say it's always bad the first time.Catherine was in labor for twenty-nine hours."

I let my head fall back against the pillow.Lord, I pray I don't have to wait that long.

"So where's Quatre?" he asks, his eyes shifting around the room.

I shrug."Hopefully, on his way.To be honest, I was pretty scared, not knowing anyone here."

A nurse bustles in, checking the monitors."Ah, Mr. Winner!I'm glad you're here.Your wife is doing just fine, so far."She changes the IV bag and then heads out the door.

I snicker at his wide-eyed look."Earlier they wouldn't believe that I even ­_have_ a husband," I confess with a laugh."They thought I was another teen-pregnancy case; luckily that changed when I yelled that I'm almost twenty-two, and a member of the Colonial parliament."

"This isn't the friendliest hospital, is it?"

I shake my head, and then another contraction begins.I grind my teeth together and Trowa places his hand in mine."Squeeze as tight as you like."

Once the throbbing leaves, though, I sheepishly pull away.I didn't mean to squeeze so hard.But when I glance up at him, his expression is not one of pain; he looks . . . sad.He stares at me, frowning slightly."I can't believe Quatre's going to be a father," he utters softly with a look of disbelief across his face.

"Trowa?"

His expression returns to the passive face I'm used to."Yes?"

I take a deep breath."Are we friends?"

"Of course," he answers, his dark green eyes meeting mine."Why do you ask?Do you not want us to be?"

I shake my head slightly."It's not that—it's just, well . . . I'm not used to having friends who are in love with my husband."He turns away from me, his face flushed."You are in love with him, aren't you?"

He nods slightly, then answers in a soft voice, "He's an easy man to love."

"Yes, he is," I reply, trying to hide the surge of angry jealousy welling up in my chest.I'm not angry with Trowa—I'm angry at the idea that someone else could want my Quatre.I'm angry at the fact that my neurotic suspicions have been confirmed.What if Quatre ever returns Trowa's feelings?

After a couple of silent minutes pass, another contraction starts.I realize that, even if Quatre ever had feelings for Trowa—it doesn't matter now.I'm the one who has his baby.He'll always be with me.I'm the one he married—not Trowa.

Hot tears slide down my cheeks.I don't know if they're a result of my contractions or my bitter thoughts.Does it matter if Quatre's with me if he's in love with someone else?I saw them at the wedding.There's something special between them that can't be denied.I could tell after watching them for a couple of minutes that Trowa was in love with Quatre.I could also see that my husband cares for Trowa.Deeply.

The door bursts in and Quatre rushes in, his faced flushed with irritation."Silvia—I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner!The spaceport was crazy, and traffic was awful!"He comes over and sits next to me, on the edge of the bed.He wipes away my tears with his cool fingers."Has it been bad?What have I missed?"

I'm glad he's here, finally.I force a smile."You haven't missed a lot.Trowa happened to be here, so he's been helping me out.You know, keeping me from getting to nervous."I frown for a moment.It wasn't exactly a lie—he was keeping me from getting nervous about the baby—but I was certainly nervous about where my husband's affections lie.

Quatre glances over at Trowa and grins."That explains why they told me that Silvia's husband was visiting, and that I should wait to see her.They probably thought I was crazy when I yelled at them."

Trowa smiles half-heartedly as he stands and stretches."I suppose I should go now.Catherine's probably worrying—she seems to think that the Earth is more dangerous than the colonies, and that I won't be able to defend myself, should something happen."

Despite my personal conflicts, I don't really want him to go."Well, thank you for staying with me.I would've gone mad, undoubtedly, without your help."

He smiles and heads over to the door.He pauses as Quatre starts to thank him, but their conversation is interrupted by my surprised gasp.A contraction.

This one hurts more.I squeeze Quatre's hand, gritting my teeth and closing my eyes.It continues for a longer time, but once it stops, Quatre kisses my forehead gently.I open my eyes and wearily smile up at him; my heart soars at the sight of his expression full of tenderness and devotion."I love you," he whispers, leaning close and brushing his hand over my cheek.

I hear the click of the door opening and closing.Trowa.My heart goes out to him—I know that I am the largest reason for his unrequited love. His heartache is something I never want to know.A small, selfish part of me rejoices.Quatre and I belong to each other.With or without this child, Quatre would still love me.

New Year's Day—Trowa Barton—6:52 a.m.

All the babies in the nursery are tiny and adorable—I've always liked kids.But to look at this one in particular and know that she's Quatre's creation . . . it's astounding.It's humbling.It breaks my heart.

I lean my forehead against the cool windowpane, wishing that I could be staring at my own daughter or son.

"Trowa?"Quatre's words snap me out of my melancholy thoughts.He approaches with an expression of disbelief."You're still here?"

"What time is it?"I haven't been watching the clock.

"It's almost seven."He turns to the nursery window, his face lighting up once he sees his daughter.

"How's Silvia doing?"

His eyes narrow slightly and he frowns."She's sleeping now.She needs her rest."

"It was bad?"

Quatre nods.His gaze falls to his hands resting on the windowsill."She lost a lot of blood . . . there were complications.After the doctors monitored a high amount of fetal stress, they had to perform an emergency Caesarian—but . . . " he trails off, swallowing before he continues."The doctor said it might not be safe to have any more children."

If there's one thing I know about Quatre, it's his love of children.A majority of the Winner Corporation charity donations have gone to orphanages and children's hospitals.He was probably hoping to have at least one more child, somewhere along the way.This is probably killing him.

He sighs, looking at his daughter again."It could've been worse, though.We could've lost the baby—or even Silvia."He shudders, closing his eyes."I couldn't have handled something like that."

A long moment passes before I say anything—I don't want to disrupt his quiet, personal moment.But it hurts.It still hurts me to acknowledge how much he really does love her.And I hate to see him depressed; he's normally the cheeriest person I know, next to Duo.I want him to be happy with what he _has_—not upset about what _could have_ been.

I rest my hand on his shoulder."Quatre—don't dwell on that.Look at your daughter—she's beautiful."

He looks through the window again, resting his palms flat against the glass.A nurse inside recognizes him and winks, picking up the tiny baby.Quatre smiles broadly as she comes out of the nursery.

"Your daughter, Mr. Winner," she says, carefully placing the swaddled little girl in his arms.

The baby wakens, looking up at Quatre with blue-green eyes that are identical to his.

"What are you naming her?" I ask.

"Majidah Talaata Winner," he answers without hesitation."We'll call her 'Maja' for short."

An Arabic name.I've always loved to hear him speaking in that fascinating foreign tongue."What does it mean?"

Quatre grins at me before returning his gaze to the infant."It means 'Splendid.'"

An appropriate name for such a tiny little miracle.I watch with envy as he kisses her forehead.She's perfect.She's so innocent; so flawless.She won't grow up like we did.She'll be loved and protected.

"Would you like to hold her?" he asks.I nod, and he places Maja in my arms with care.She blinks, then stares up at me with curious turquoise eyes.I lightly caress the bridge of her nose with my index finger, and she makes a slight gurgling sound—she looks amused.

"I think she likes you," Quatre says with a laugh.

"She has good taste," I answer.

Quatre puffs up with pride."Of course she does; she's _my_ little girl."

New Year's Day—Quatre Winner—9:32 a.m.

I walk into Silvia's room, finding her still asleep.Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I can't help but stare at her in wonder.She's a mother now.I caress her cheek with the back of my hand.Even with her tired, pale face and tangled hair, she is more beautiful to me than ever before.I lean over and kiss her forehead.

Her eyes flutter for a moment, but remain closed.She smiles weakly."Quatre?"

"I'm here, honey."

She reaches over and takes one of my hands in hers."How is she?Our little Maja?"

"Perfect."There isn't any other word that could describe our daughter so well."She's healthy and beautiful, and more wonderful than anything I've known."

She opens her eyes groggily and looks up at me."Have you called anyone yet?"

I nod."Your family and mine, Rashid, Sally and WuFei, Hilde, Duo, Heero—everyone.They're glad to hear that you're okay."

She pushes herself into an upright position, wincing with pain."I don't feel okay," she comments dryly.Her eyes narrow."This is all _your_ fault, you know."

I laugh."Oh, no you don't—you have to take half of the blame!"

She smiles again and closes her eyes, sighing."I need to thank Trowa; did you get a chance to talk to him?"

"Yeah—and he held Maja.She seems to like him."

"She has good taste."

"That's exactly what Trowa said," I tell her with another laugh.

"Well," she begins, opening her eyes and staring past me."He and I seem to have a lot in common."

She closes her eyes and leans back against the pillows.She needs her rest."Quatre?" she asks hesitantly, biting her lip.

"Yes?"

"I was wondering . . . since we agreed to raise Maja in my faith . . . would it be possible to ask Trowa to be her godfather?"

I love that idea.

[Click here to go on to Part Four][1]

[Click here to return to Part Two][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_202.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_200.html



	5. Part Four: To Love

Author's Note: well, the politics in this section are completely based upon the British parliamentary procedures, used by most democratic nations in the world (especially in Europe, which seems to be the center of the GW universe, politically speaking).My reasons?Well, if you look at post-Cold War history, you'll see that many former Soviet Satellite states opted for this type of government because the executive branch does not have nearly as much power as it does in the U.S.They did this to protect themselves from their history of megalomaniacal leaders.I think the Earth Sphere and Colonial Alliance would do the same thing.

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to change this, someone else owns GW.Not me.

C&C—bring it on!

From Forever to Forever

Part Four: To Love

Christmas Eve, A.C. 202—Heero Yuy—1:14 p.m.

I know WuFei's going to say something as soon as he sees her.He'll make some smart-ass, sarcastic comment, and Relena will be horribly embarrassed.And Duo will take one look at her and whoop with glee.

It's his fault for inviting her to his wedding in the first place.

I clench the steering wheel with both hands, grinding my teeth together.Maybe I shouldn't have brought her.Spending Christmas with her brother would be easier than this.

"Are you all right, Heero?"Lord, her voice is so sweet.It was her voice that finally won me, the August before last when I asked her out on our first date.

"I'm fine."I glance over at her, only to find her staring right back at me.She's so beautiful.

"We don't have to do this," she says hesitantly.

But I want to.How can I explain myself?I know the guys will tease me, but I want them to know about our relationship.I want them to know that Relena is what I care about.I'm fighting for her again.Not in the symbolic, idealistic way I did six years ago—but in a more personal manner.I know that my death will hurt her.So I fight to stay alive.That's not all there is to it—but I can't find the words that will tell her how much she means to me.

"Heero?"

"Hmm?"

"I-I just want you to know . . . that . . . I love you."

My heart seems to stop.Love?No one's ever loved me before.Maybe the other pilots—but that's not remotely the same.

Do I love her?

I look over at her.She's staring straight ahead, her face an emotionless mask.

Do I love her?

We've been dating for a year and four months.Would we still be dating if I didn't love her?Would we be sleeping together if I didn't love her?

Her hands clench the fabric of her skirt, and gradually her head droops.

I've never loved anyone—how does it work?How do you know if you're ready to tell someone you want to spend the rest of your lives together?I've felt that way since we were kids, since the Marymeia uprising.That was the reason I ran away from her—why I stayed away for four years.It terrified me.

"I understand."Her voice is low, dejected."You don't have to say it back."

I look over to see tears streaming down her cheeks.

And it hurts.It hurts like hell to know that I've made her cry.In all the years I've known her, I've never seen her cry.

"Relena."She looks up at me, her expression a strange mixture of fear and anticipation."I love you, too.I should've said it months ago."

"Really?"She smiles at me radiantly, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand.

I nod, returning her smile."Really."

Christmas Eve—Hilde Schbeiker—2:22 p.m.

You know, there's something about being with Silvia Winner that makes me act like a schoolgirl again.And Sally is probably the funniest person I know, next to Duo.But with Heero bringing Relena into the group, it's like adding kindling to the fire.

We've been hanging out in the kitchen since Relena got here, gossiping and pretending to cook dinner.It's nice to get away from the men, and the kids are all taking their afternoon naps.So it's like we're sixteen again.

"Do you want to know the strangest thing that ever happened at _my_ school?" Relena asked, grinning wickedly.

"Oh, I doubt it can beat Hilde's story about the cross-dressing boys at her senior prom!" Sally protests, crossing her arms and leaning against the counter.

"Believe me," Relena insists, in a serious voice, "this is even stranger than that."

I shake my head."No way.What on earth could be stranger than seventeen year old boys in drag?" I ask skeptically.

She grins again."Heero Yuy."

Silvia bursts out laughing, nearly dropping her champagne glass.I think she's getting tipsy, and it's not even three yet."Yes!I agree—even high school boys in formal gowns aren't stranger than Heero!"

I have to agree.I reach into a bowl of candy, pulling out a piece of Starburst.Duo's favorite candy."You know," I change the subject, "I remember hearing one time in tenth grade that if you could open a Starburst wrapper in your mouth, it meant you were a good kisser."

"Using just your tongue and teeth?" Relena asks.

I nod.

"Let's find out, then!" Sally laughs; she grabs the bowl, marching out toward the hallway.We curiously follow her down the magnificent hall of the Winner mansion.Once she reaches the drawing room doorway, she leans against it."Gentlemen?" she asks huskily."We have a mission for you."

Silvia, Relena, and I snicker, each taking a piece of candy.

"Here's the challenge," I declare."We want to know who the best kisser is."

Duo stands up, grinning wildly."Now this is _my _kind of mission!"He immediately heads over to Relena, preparing to kiss her.

Heero and I both stop him.Violently.

"What do you mean?" Trowa asks in a soft, curious voice.

Sally smirks, holding out the bowl of candy."Apparently there's an urban legend that says if you can open Starburst in your mouth, you're a good kisser.Wanna try?"She offers the bowl to Trowa, who immediately takes one.

"No problem."He pops it into his mouth, wrapper and all, and within a minute he has the wrapper out again.

Relena cheers and Silvia claps; Sally begins making lewd offers.

He shakes his head, smiling and blushing a bit."It's not that difficult."

"Me next!" Duo shouts, grabbing the candy from my hand.He throws it in, and struggles for a moment.I can't help but laugh as his face contorts and he starts making strange sounds.Finally he spits the still-wrapped candy back into his hand."This is not right—you guys must've glued it shut or something."He fumes, but pops it back into his mouth and continues trying to open the wrapper.

"Will you try, sweetie?" Silvia asks Quatre, giggling.He gives her a strange look and takes the champagne glass from her hand, setting it on the table.With a sigh, he tosses the strawberry candy into his mouth.He struggles, like Duo, but manages to get the wrapper partially off before giving up entirely. 

Silvia laughs and looks at Trowa, raising her eyebrows in a less-than-subtle invitation."I knew I married the wrong one . . ." 

Sally sits down next to WuFei.She hands him a piece of candy wordlessly.He looks at it and glares back."You know I'm allergic to this."

"You're allergic to Starburst?" I ask incredulously.

Sally shakes her head."No—he's allergic to lemons."She gives him a cherry piece instead, and he takes it.He fares even worse than Duo, if that can be said. 

Relena crosses the room, orange Starburst in hand, and feeds it to her boyfriend.Heero's expression remains the same, even when he pokes the empty wrapper out from between his lips.But Relena gives a triumphant smile.

"I guess Relena's the winner," Silvia sighs, sitting between Quatre and Trowa."Unless of course, Trowa wants to share his talent with the ladies?"

"Uhn-uh!" Duo cries, holding out his Starburst wrapper."I did it!" 

I pat him on the back and kiss his cheek."It took you long enough—but you did it."

Sally snickers."How many times have you heard _that_ before, Duo?"

Christmas Eve—WuFei Chang—10:34 p.m.

The women are discussing politics.Good Lord, I thought this was supposed to be a relaxing evening with friends, not a political showdown between Quatre's wife and Heero's girlfriend.Thank God Silvia has sobered up—the afternoon nap did wonders for her.

It _is_ actually somewhat relaxing, though.Duo, Trowa, and Quatre are playing with the kids.Good thing, since Duo's the only one who has enough energy to deal with his hellions.Sally and Hilde are listening to the debate.Heero and I can't help but listen—especially when Silvia stands up, slams her palms on the table and raises her voice to the former queen of the world.

"But life is different out here in the colonies," she insists."We have to create new legislation that will keep people content."

Relena shakes her head."But you're forgetting that as politicians our duty is to do what the _majority_ wants—a show of no-confidence is the last thing anyone needs."

"Relena," Silvia begins, her voice low and fierce."I _am_ speaking on behalf of the majority in the L-4 cluster.Our traditions are different here, due to the unique developments of these colonies.

"Unlike some of the other clusters, L-4 could not allow natural childbirth until AC 194.It was illegal because children and mothers had an extremely high mortality rate in labor.Because of this, birth control was a necessity.But as more accidental conceptions occurred, more doctors promoted abstinence.People chose homosexual intercourse for safer sex—and over the years it became a preferred way of life.Over half of this colony classifies themselves as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.Look at the Maganacs—fifty-two percent of them are homosexual!"

"Really?" Duo asks, looking up from his conversation with Trowa."Is Rashid gay?"

I roll my eyes.What difference does it make?

Quatre scowls."He's married with three kids."

"That doesn't mean anything, Quatre," Silvia sighs.

Trowa interjects."I've known several gay men who didn't realize it until _after _they were married."

"I understand that, Silvia," Relena articulates firmly, "and I think it's perfectly normal and acceptable for there to be homosexual relationships.However, can't people be happy living together?Why should the current law be revoked in order to satisfy a worldwide minority when there _is _an alternative?There are many other things we have to work on—so many issues have been unresolved since the war."

"Actually," I say, throwing myself into the argument, "I have to back Silvia.It's not a matter of aestheticism.You're forgetting that with marriage comes a multitude of benefits—insurance, inheritance rights, changes in taxation status.Common law marriages between heterosexual marriages allow for this—but the gay community isn't given the right to have normal marriages, let alone common law."

Silvia nods appreciatively."And unless we can have the legislature changed—at least to allow the colonies some sort of self-governing concerning homosexual rights—no politician from this colonial cluster will get the support from the people.It's a part of our culture that the Earth Sphere isn't permitting."

"Notice how she says 'our culture' even though she was born and raised in Sicily?" Quatre teases, crossing the room to plant a kiss on his wife's cheek.He successfully ended the debate without letting them come to blows.Maxwell must be disappointed.

But still, it makes me wonder.I haven't really been paying attention to politics.Listening to them rant and rave made me remember when Meiran and I would bicker over political issues.I used to pay so much more attention to the world around me.

[Click here to go on to Part Five][1]

[Click here to return to Part Three][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_203.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_201.html



	6. Part Five: For Richer

Warnings: Shounen ai!!Yay!!(3+4/4+3)Relena-sympathy.Actually, let me re-phrase that: PRO-Relenaism!!

Disclaimer:Gundam Wing isn't mine—I've never claimed it as my own.

Comments, Criticism, Flames . . . all are welcome!

From Forever to Forever

Part Five: For Richer

August 21st, A.C. 203—Duo Maxwell—11:32 a.m.

God, I love summer on Earth.We've all been planning this group-vacation for months.The place Quatre found is great, too—right on the ocean.The kids love it.

But it sucks that Silvia had to go to an emergency committee meeting back on her colony.Quatre was pissed when he found out—hell, we all were.But we're getting on just fine.

The sun is warm, the tide is out, and Hilde and Relena are wearing bikinis.Can life get any better?Oh yeah—Sally took the kids out for ice cream, so Hilde and I can relax for once.

I run up the beach, where Hilde and Relena are sipping tea and reading their books.It's too calm.So I shake things up a bit by flicking my wet braid at them.

Relena shrieks like a normal girl should.But Hilde's quick to act.

She jumps up and grabs my braid, yanking me close."Do it again and you'll lose the hair.Got it?"

Man, I always forget how she can be."Fine—I won't do it again.Sheesh."I rub my head, hoping she'll think it's a lot worse than it is so she'll feel guilty.

"Your woman controls you?" WuFei asks in his haughty voice, walking up from the house with Trowa and Quatre.Man, it never fails.He always shows up at the wrong time, to throw around his stupid little insults.

Hilde glares at him.Nothing pisses her off like an arrogant Wuffie."Damn straight I'm controlling him!Otherwise he'd be an ass like you!"

Quatre laughs—always playing the peacemaker."Hilde, you know he only acts like that to make up for other . . . deficiencies."

Hilde chuckles and Relena smirks."Do you mean WuFei or Duo?" my wife asks, grinning wickedly.She turns to Relena."Let's go see if Sally and the twins are back yet."

I watch her leave, shaking my head. Who'd've thought something so mean could be found in a cute little package like that?

"Damn," I mutter."No sex for me tonight.What are _you _guys gonna be doing?"

"We were going to take Maja to the carnival this evening—other than that, we don't have plans," Trowa says with a shrug. 

WuFei laughs coldly."Unlike you, Maxwell, I'm smart enough to know ­_not_ to piss off my woman—so I'll be with her this evening."

I scowl.Why is he so nasty all of the time, anyway?"I guess that means you'll do whatever _she _wants to do, though."There—right back at him.

He shrugs."Whatever keeps her satisfied."He smirks and walks off, heading toward the surf.

I turn back to Quatre and Trowa."He's just happy to know that he's not the only one who'll be begging on their knees for some lovin' tonight!"

Trowa smiles—as much of a reaction as I could have hoped for, really—and Quatre rolls his eyes.Poor guy.It must suck to know that everyone else in the house is getting some.

Well, except for Trowa.He didn't bring a girlfriend, like Heero.He says he isn't really serious about anyone.

But as I watch him walk away with Quatre, I have to question his words.Is there no one he's serious about, or is the person already taken?And does Silvia _know_ that someone else is interested in her husband?

August 21st—Relena Darlian—3:18 p.m.

I can't find Heero anywhere.Come to think of it, I haven't seen him all day—he was gone when I woke up.

I pull my hair into a ponytail and throw Heero's button-down shirt on over my bathing suit.Maybe he's on the beach.And if not, well, I'll wait for him there.

I run down the stairs and smack into Heero.

"Where have you been?" I ask, trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably.

He shrugs."Around."

"Do you want to go for a walk?"Call me crazy and obsessive, but whenever I'm with Heero I get this feeling that I should hold on to him tightly—like I'll lose him any time.

He nods."I found a neat place you'd like."

He leads me to the beach, where Trowa and Quatre are playing with Maja.We wave hello and continue onward, toward a little cove a half-mile away.The view is beautiful, and the area is secluded from signs of civilization.

"I didn't know this place existed," I whisper with awe.

"This is where I've been for a good part of the day," Heero confesses.He looks . . . uncomfortable.Maybe he doesn't like to think of himself as the kind of guy who can revel in aesthetic pleasures like beauty."I've been thinking."

I don't ask what he's been thinking about.He'll tell me when he wants to.

He stands behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my shoulder."You know, we've been dating for two years now."

"Mmm-hmm."I close my eyes and lean against him.There aren't many chances to get romantic with Heero.Normally he holes himself up, occasionally letting me inside, but rarely coming out himself.

"I spent the morning thinking about it."He holds me tighter and his voice seems . . . different.It shakes slightly, not at all like his usual decisive, firm tone.

He is silent for what seems like an eternity.I've learned to be patient with him, though.It took almost four months to get to our first kiss—but like everything else Heero does, our physical relationship only gained momentum from there.We were making love within three days.Yes, patience is always best with Heero Yuy.

But now it almost seems like he's having an internal battle.And like always, I can't figure out what he's thinking.I turn around in his arms, placing my hands on his shoulders and looking up into his faraway expression.

His hands cup my face, his thumbs grazing over my cheeks."I realize that two years is a long time to date someone without ever really discussing . . . our future.So I want you to know that I've told Lady Une that I'm going to leave the Preventors in six months—that is, if you'll marry me."

My heart skips a beat.Marriage?!For one delirious instant my mind takes stock of the task—what would marriage with Heero be like?It was something I'd allowed myself to daydream about years ago, when I knew so little about him.He was a fascination to keep my mind off of my family and the war.But now—I hadn't let myself think of it for fear that I'd wake up one morning with him gone, and I'd never hear from him again.

But something in his face tells me that it won't happen like that.

"I would love to marry you, Heero," I whisper, punctuating it with a kiss.

His mouth curves into a gentle smile."Good."Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a simple but elegant diamond ring.His eyes meet mine as he slips it onto my finger."I spent the rest of the morning searching for the right ring," he explains before pulling me against him for another kiss.

August 21st—Quatre Winner—10:54 p.m. 

The kids are in bed now, and now we can all enjoy a nice, relaxing evening with old friends. The breeze from the ocean makes the beach cool enough for a bonfire.Hilde and Duo are lying back in the sand, snuggling like teenagers.Heero and Relena keep drifting away from the group, murmuring secretively to each other.They haven't said anything about their engagement, but it's hard not to notice the diamond ring that keeps sparkling in the firelight.WuFei and Sally have been going in and out of the ocean, testing each other's endurance, I think.But now that it's cooler, I think they'll probably stay out for the night.Plus Sally's put away more drinks than anyone else—I don't think WuFei will let her near the water again.

And Trowa—well, he's quieter than usual, if that's really possible.

It's kind of like the old days—when we were all Preventors together.Except for Relena, of course.It almost makes me miss the old life.

Duo sighs, sitting up to grab another beer."Quatre, I'm glad you hired a staff for this vacation.Now I'm not too worried about the kids."

Hilde laughs."Sure—you're not worried.I take it you've been running back to the house every twenty minutes to hit on the maid?"

"Nyah.She's not as cute as you, " Duo grins as he presses the cold can against Hilde's bare legs.She smacks him playfully, then sits up and leans against his shoulder.He kisses the top of her head before offering his drink to her.I'm not used to them being so sweet.Lewd and vulgar?Yes.Sweet?Rarely.

"So why didn't you bring one of the cute girls from your team?"Heero asks Trowa as he and Relena return from a short walk along the surf.

Trowa shrugs."They're not as nice as they look."

Duo snorts."Hnn.I didn't think you were into nice girls—you go home with a different person every night!" 

I glance over at Trowa, watching his face flush.He shifts uncomfortably.He and Duo were roommates back before I left the Preventors.Certainly he's used to Duo's coarse discussions about other people's sex lives.Then again, Trowa's gotten even more withdrawn and personal the past few years.I don't think he likes to talk about his affairs with anyone, certainly not a crowd.

"I don't date people I work with," he answers softly, avoiding the insinuated question.He picks up handfuls of sand, letting the grains sift through his fingers.

Hilde snickers."Yeah, I used to say that, too—and look how I ended up!"She elbows her husband in the ribs, smirking.

Sally laughs, her voice low and throaty from all the alcohol."I think you're smarter than us, Trowa.People shouldn't get so involved in their work."

"What's that supposed to mean?" WuFei growls, hovering over her prone body.She answers with a drunken giggle.

"It means that all work and no play makes Wuffie a dull boy," Duo teases."Trowa doesn't have that problem, do you, buddy?"

Trowa falls back against the sand with a sigh, his arms stretched out to either side.I can tell by his expression that his mind is somewhere else completely.Maybe he's thinking about those multitudes of dates.I know I am, now.I've never really thought of him in the context of a date.Or a relationship.He's always been just Trowa.I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy.Why hasn't he ever mentioned anything to me about it?Aren't I supposed to be his closest friend?

But then, it's not like he has to.I remind myself that I don't have exclusive rights on him, or anything.Why should it bother me so much that he's with a different person every night?

"So when will Silvia be here?" Relena asks, sitting down next to me.

I shrug, glad for the change in topic."Hopefully soon.It depends on how long it takes for the committee to come to a decision.But she's supposed to call tomorrow and give us an estimate."I don't mean to sound so dejected, but I've missed her a lot.I have trouble sleeping when she's not around.

"You know what they say," Duo chirps."Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder!"

Yeah.Easy for him to say.

"Shut up, Duo," Trowa growls quietly.

I lie back on the ground, looking up at the stars.I can't see my colony from here—it's on the other side of the earth right now.I fling my arms out with a sigh, bumping Trowa in the process.Our fingers touch briefly, and for a moment my stomach quivers.Our eyes meet in the dim firelight and I feel my mouth twist into an involuntary smile.What is this? Excitement?I push the feeling away, closing my eyes to shut out Trowa and the others.

I must be missing Silvia more than I thought.

[Click here to go on to Part Six][1]

[Click here to return to Part Four][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_204.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_202.html



	7. Part Six: To Hold

Okay, here it is: my lemony chapter.I hate writing these things, so, in the words of Lilias-chan, these scenes incorporate "waves crashing on the beach" or the "cut to the fireplace".(Actually, that waves-crashing analogy is taken a little too literally!)Credit majorly goes to the Space Pirate Ryoko—she edited/co-wrote most of this thing, since I'm such a little wuss!(Arrigato, Ryoko-oneechan!) Without her, well, these couples would still be staring at each other, not knowing where to put their hands!

Warnings:Well, these couples *are* straight, so if you're not into that, you might not be into this section.(sorry…the guy/guy stuff will come eventually!)If you *like* girl/guy stuff but don' t like Relena, you might want to skim over the first part and read the other two. ^_^

Disclaimer: Obviously, since there is nothing greater than a nice little "I'm nothing compared to you" in the romantic world of cannon GW, this is a complete work of unassociated fiction!The real stuff is owned by Sunrise and the Sotsu Agency.This OOC, non-cannon, fictitious, and pathetically sappy story is all my imagination.And I expect nothing for it.So please, don't sue me.All you can get out of me are…more ideas for pathetically sappy fanfiction!

C&C is always welcome.So are flames…

From Forever to Forever

Part Six: To Hold

September 3rd, A.C.204—Heero Yuy—8:24 p.m.

We've been sitting on the beach for hours, not really talking about anything. The waves that had been a good distance away when we sat down are now lapping against our feet.

I look down at Relena's delicately painted toenails as seawater gently swells up past her feet and toward her thighs. 

Her toes are beautiful. 

I look out at the ocean again, noticing how the sunset has washed the world in gold.Even the water has a golden tinge.It takes me back nine years, to a time when I couldn't appreciate a beach washed in sunset—or the girl I met there. 

I turn my head back to Relena.Her hair is bathed in the glimmer of the sunset as well, making her look even more beautiful, somehow. 

I take her hand, lacing our fingers together.Her eyes meet mine, full of love and happiness, and it makes my heart beat wildly.Even after all this time, she still drives me crazy—every time I look at her it's like I'm sixteen again.We've been married for five days, and I don't think I've ever felt better.I bring her fingers to my lips, kissing them and nibbling gently. 

She laughs musically, not pulling her hand away. 

Only half playfully, I straddle her legs, my jeans getting soaked by incoming waves."Do you know how incredible you are?" I ask, tilting her chin upward so I can look her in the eyes.I pull her closer to me, kissing her neck softly, my fingers tracing a line up her side to hook themselves under the band of her red bikini top.

"Heero," she protests, trying to push me away."Not here."She glances around for passersby. 

"It's secluded."No one has come by for hours. "Besides, I like you on the beach." 

She smiles, leaning toward me again.Her arms reach around me, caressing my back beneath the loose button-up shirt."We met on the beach."

"I proposed on the beach."I let my hands wander over her body, roaming down her smooth, long legs and back up to her neck.Reaching up to her hair, I release the clasp of the clip holding it off of her neck.Golden locks fall forward, framing her smiling face.I run my fingers through the silky strands.She smells of wildflowers.

When did she become everything to me? 

I kiss her softly, enjoying the feel of her warm lips against mine.She winds her arms around me, encouraging me to take things further.I push her back gently, but then realize that sand will get in her hair.Breaking away, I remove my shirt, laying it behind her on the cooling sand.She leans backward, pulling me along with a gentle laugh.As our lips meet again, I begin to pull at the clasp of her bikini.I need to be closer to her.After all this time, I still fumble with the hook.

She growls softly, nipping at my lower lip.Her hands run over my chest, scratching and caressing my sensitive skin, making me glad I'd gotten rid of the shirt.She moans as I pull her swimsuit off and lower myself against her.

Even though her body isn't new to me, ever since the wedding I've felt like I've been learning it for the first time.Everything about her is so incredible to me.

I slide down to kiss her stomach, working my way lower as she runs her fingers through my hair. I trace circles on her flat abdomen with my tongue, then impulsively take the clasp of her cutoff denim shorts between my teeth.She gasps as I try to unfasten them—unsuccessfully.Relena laughs merrily and arches her back—my long hair tickles her, so I shake my head against her belly.After several more of my failed attempts, she reaches down and assists me with the button.I flush with embarrassment, relieved that my face is in shadow.

I slowly pull the shorts down her legs, kissing the exposed flesh near her hipbone.Her skin tastes like saltwater—like salt and that sweet Relena taste I like so well that I never bothered to find out if it was unique to her.Flinging the shorts off to one side, I catch the red elastic in my teeth, beginning the process again with the tiny bikini bottom.

I'm more successful.

Relena has somehow managed to unbutton my jeans, and in a frantic hurry we peel the wet denim from my legs.I laugh as she tugs, her lower lip caught between her teeth in frustration."Maybe you shouldn't have laughed at me," I scold lightly, reaching down to help.

Between the two of us, the jeans come off—with a cry of triumph, Relena flings them up the beach.I pounce on her.She's still giggling as I pin her to the sand, but the laughter fades as she looks into my eyes.

I don't mean to be serious, but I'm overwhelmed with love for the girl beneath me.My bride.I smooth her hair from her forehead, enjoying the feel of her skin so close to mine, her breath ragged and hot on my face.I suddenly don't feel like a frolic on the beach—I want to make love to her, to make her understand everything I'm feeling.

"Ai shiteru, Relena-chan," I whisper in the old language of my childhood.Someday I want to teach it to her—more than just the few phrases she already knows.

She laughs again, softly, bringing her forehead close to mine."That's the big one, huh?Are you sure you want to say that?" 

I nod."I love you—now and forever." 

With another laugh, she tries to duplicate the sounds."Ai shiteru, Heero Yuy."

I hug her close to me, wanting to lie in the sand holding her forever.As the waves lap at our knees, I kiss my wife thoroughly.We move against each other slowly, and she smiles as I delve my fingers into her golden hair.

September 3rd—WuFei Chang—9:43 p.m.

I delve my fingers into her damp hair, massaging Sally's scalp.She purrs happily, wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing her firm, wet body against mine.The tangy scent of shampoo, combined with her seductive half-closed eyes, makes me almost dizzy with lust.I take a deep breath, cleansing my mind, fighting for control.If I do what I want right now, suds will be everywhere-- this isn't baby shampoo—it could be volatile stuff.

"Close your eyes, woman," I growl before the white foam can drip down from her forehead. 

She laughs, turning her face up into the stream of water and rinsing her long hair.I lean my body more firmly against hers, kissing and licking along her collarbone as my fingers get tangled among the locks of wet hair.She laughs again, pulling away.Damn, I can never get enough of the throaty sound of her laughter.I nuzzle against her shoulder, nipping at the skin of her neck.

"That tickles," she murmurs, pulling me under the showerhead and tilting her head back so I can nibble more of her throat.The hot water runs over my head, dampening my hair.Sally reaches past me, grabbing the bottle of shampoo."It's your turn now."Squeezing a bit onto one hand, she places the bottle back on the shelf and pulls my head from its resting place on her breastbone.I slide my hands onto her hips, yanking her closer to me—the slippery tile floor keeps forcing her to readjust her footing, making my wet skin cold without her warmth.She tilts her head down slightly, kissing my jaw as she works the shampoo into my hair.Her breath tickles against my neck.I find it strange that my skin is immune to the onslaught of hot water and steam, yet one warm breath of air from Sally can be so stimulating and arousing.This woman makes me crazy.

"Do you know how much I love it when you leave your hair down?" she whispers, her mouth against my ear.Her hands continue to plunge through my hair."It drives me wild."

That's one of the reasons I stopped pulling it back.I had merely left it down one morning and the reaction from Sally alone was enough to make me throw out every hair band I ever owned.I only wore it that way to fight—the same way Meiran always had.When had it become such an ingrained part of me that the change could affect Sally?

I rinse my hair out quickly as Sally wraps her arms around me.She smiles at me, her eyes sparkling and her lashes damp and clinging together.She's the most amazing thing I've ever seen, and I still wonder how we managed to come together like this, to pull away from the terrible past and become so happy.

"So, are you gonna make a move mister, or do I have to do all the work?"

As delicious as that sounds, I'm not about to let her have the upper hand—yet.I maneuver her carefully, leaning her back against the cold tile walls.She giggles, a shiver passing through her body and into mine.I smooth her hair, noticing how it shimmers against the deep blue of the walls.Steam and filtered light make her even more beautiful.I kiss her, capturing her mouth hungrily and watching as her eyes slowly close.

Moving against her, I do what I'd been thinking of all day.

She arches against me, tucking her hands into the hair that's dripping onto my shoulders.Bracing my feet on the non-skid ducklings that Sally had thoughtfully stuck to the shower floor years ago, I lift her up, supporting her between my body and the wall as the fluid motion overtakes us.With a finesse that comes only from years of practice, she wraps her long legs around me, tucking her head into the curve of my neck.

"WuFei . . ." she whispers deeply.Her voice makes me hungry for more.

I nuzzle my forehead against her hair, breathing in the familiar scent of apricots.She lifts her chin, staring at me passionately, ignoring the rivulets of water that stream down her face.Careful not to lose my precarious balance, I lick the water from her face, down over her shoulders and the top of her breasts.A tiny moan escapes her lips, getting me more excited.

Our movements become more frenzied, and suddenly I'm unaware of the water cascading over us, unaware of the steam or the smudges our body movements leave on the fogged glass door.All five of my senses are locked on the woman in my arms.The taste and smell of her delights me, her long hair plastered against her skin—her incredible flawless skin—is a feast for my eyes.She cries out, biting her bottom lip as she pushes herself more firmly against me.Another second and I'm right with her, clutching her against me as I shudder in ecstasy.

I could do this the rest of my life and never get enough.

I lean against the wall, catching my breath.Sally cradles my face in her hands, her expression loving.

"I hope we can stay like this forever," she sighs.She immediately realizes what she said and looks away, embarrassed.

Forever.Nine years ago I had no concept of life.I thought mine was fated to end with Treize Kushrenada's.I never expected to wake up the morning after the last battle, shaking with the realization that I no home to return to, to battles to fight.And Sally had been by my side then, too.Only I had been too blind to notice her.

I study her carefully.She's beautiful—I've never thought otherwise.But there's more to her than beauty.She's the most intelligent woman I've ever met, and she's loyal and honest and everything a person like me could want in a woman.More than I could ever want.

She's changed my life in every possible way.I reach forward slowly, caressing her cheek with the back of my hand.She won't meet my gaze.I tilt her chin up, initiating a slow, passionate kiss.She is my life.The kiss becomes more aggressive as I realize for the hundredth time how much she really does mean to me.I pull away, breathless, barely perceiving the fact that the water is cooling rapidly around us.

I stare at her excitedly, realizing that, as perfect as our life was, it could be even better."Why not?"

Her confused eyes meet mine."Why not what?"She squeezes the water from her hair—a nervous reaction to my scrutiny.

"I can't imagine a future without you, Sally.Will you—" my words are cut off when she places two fingers over my lips.

"Don't say it, WuFei."Her voice is steady, but her eyes are pleading."Don't say anything you'll regret."

"Marry me."I speak the words in spite of her fingers and her soft eyes.She's cautious because she doesn't want to be hurt, but there's no way I could cause her pain.I want her to know that.My heart beats rapidly as I wait for her response.

Suddenly the light seems brighter.The sound of the water against the tiled floor seems painfully loud.And I feel cold.She hasn't said anything yet.

"WuFei."Her voice his low.Serious.

It's suddenly clear that she wasn't being careful of her own heart, but of mine.I feel like my stomach has dropped from my body.

"There's nothing I would love more than spending the rest of my life with you."There's more.She's hesitant about something.I feel it coming and try to brace myself."But I can't leave the Preventors.This job is my life—I've never been happier."

I nod, trying not to be disappointed."I know," I whisper, pained by the unshed tears in her eyes.We'd agreed a long time ago that things were good the way they were.I'm an idiot for thinking it all had changed.I look at my feet—they look huge next to Sally's.

"WuFei."

One of the ducklings has somehow lost its head over the years.Maybe it's time to replace them.

"WuFei, listen to me."Her voice is commanding.I look up at her.

Tears are sliding down her cheeks, mingling with the now-cool water of the shower.I've never seen her eyes look so blue.It hurts.She wraps her arms around me, pulling me against her warm skin."You'd better never go anywhere, WuFei Chang," she whispers into my hair."We don't need the stupid paper saying we're together.We don't need to give up our lives as Preventors.We both love our work."She pulls back a little, looking at me seriously."I love you.We're gonna be like this until we're too old to walk, got that?Married or not, I'm yours."

She's right.Looking into her bright eyes, I see that her words are true.I smile slightly, relieved that my rash proposal didn't spoil anything.

"Of course," I whisper, feeling sheepish.I don't say that I still would marry her, jobs or not.

I kiss her lightly, reaching past her to turn off the water.I shiver—we've never stayed in this long before, but I'm not finished.With a smile that feels wicked, even to me, I press my mouth against the curve of her breast.She gasps, quivering under my assault.I move my lips downward, sucking away the droplets of water that sprinkle her flesh.

"WuFei!"Her tone is admonishing.I take it to be a good thing.With a growl, I flick my tongue over the smooth skin of her stomach.She trembles more, twisting her fingers through my hair.Her bellybutton looks delicious to me, so I taste it, grinning as I move downward from there.

September 3rd—Quatre Winner—11:29 p.m.

I grin as I move downward from her delicious bellybutton.Silvia laughs, a mischievous giggle that reminds me of how terribly wicked we're being.The grass is soft beneath us and the night air is warm on our skin.I look at my wife, for a second shocked at just how much skin we have exposed.She bats her lashes playfully, running her hands through the tangle of her golden hair.

"You're going to stop there?" she asks, her voice thick with seduction.

No.Definitely not.With a growl, I pounce on her, using every trick and skill I'd picked up in our five years of marriage.I'm anxious to please, and, judging by her delighted whimpers, I do.Glancing up at Silvia, I'm happy to see her eyes meet mine in the semi-darkness; she's beaming.

A few minutes later, I crawl up to her side, not caring if the knees of my tuxedo will be stained from the grass.I gave up renting years ago—this thing is mine to ruin as I see fit.I catch my breath, watching her chest heave beneath her thin slip. A few grass stains are well worth this.

"Having fun?" I ask playfully, dropping a light kiss on her nose.

She gives me a deadpan look."The sprinklers aren't on yet.How can this be fun?"

I laugh heartily.Leave it to Sil to think that slipping away from a dull party to fool around in the garden can't be fun without a little water play.

The laugh dies in my throat as I feel the first trickle of water soak through my pants.Another stream falls onto my chest where my wife so eagerly tore the buttons off my shirt.I glance up, alarmed.

The sprinklers.

With a howl of gleeful laughter, Silvia jumps to her feet, dancing merrily through the water.I don't move, watching her from where I lay.She looks like a ghost with her pale hair and thin white slip.Her bare feet are enticing as they step through the damp grass.

"Come on, sweetie!Dance!"She leans over me, holding out her hands eagerly. 

I stand slowly, pulling off the remains of my shirt and flinging it onto the pile of Sil's dress and shoes.The strains of music from the party can be heard over the hum of the sprinklers, and I grab my wife around the waist, twirling her into a wet waltz.Soon we're both laughing, not caring how loud we're being as we dance around the many flowerbeds.

She laughs, collapsing against me."Are you happy, Quatre?" she asks, running her fingers through my soaked hair.

I pull her even closer, wrapping my arms more snugly about her narrow frame."How could I not be?"

"Mmm," she purrs."Good answer."She looks at me, a sly smile on her face."I hope there's no one you need to say goodnight to," she laughs.

I follow her gaze—my pants are drenched, splashed with mud and grass stains.Her slip is in similar condition.We glance to where we left our other clothes—her satin dress sits atop a pile of ruined formal wear.Definitely not presentable.

Looks like we won't be putting in a final appearance at the party.Our colleagues will wonder where we disappeared to, but I hope they don't ask."I guess we'll just have to stay put until everyone leaves," I suggest wickedly, licking the water droplets from her neck.

Silvia giggles her approval."Sounds good to me."Her teeth clench as I take her earlobe into my mouth.

"Let's play some more." I whisper.My voice sounds hoarse, even to me.I'm not about to waste an opportunity to catch my lovely wife in a damp tryst.

"We'll play my way!"With a wink, Silvia pulls away, hopping onto an old wrought-iron bench.She throws back her head, her wet hair flying in front of the moon.With a giggle, she strikes a pose, flirting with the hem of her slip.I don't tell her that it's become transparent.I don't scold her for jumping on slippery garden furniture.I just stare.How did I, of all the men on Earth and in the colonies, get to be so very lucky?She's stunning—easily the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.She smiles contagiously, reminding me that her heart is even more beautiful than her body.

I walk slowly to her, putting my hands on her hips and kissing her navel through the thin, damp satin.She seems to comprehend the change in my mood, leaning into me and wrapping her arms around my neck and leaning down to kiss me deeply.I pick her up from the bench, letting her slide down the front of me until she lands delicately on her feet.I love her so much.My wife.The mother of my daughter.Silvia.

I pick her up again, cradling her against my chest as I carry her into the deeper recesses of the garden.The sprinklers stop their shower as suddenly as they'd started, leaving a heavy mist in the air.Kneeling on the glistening grass, I lower her carefully to the ground.Our haven is beneath a flowering bush—the soft white petals sprinkle over us and scent the air with their light perfume.

"Silvia," I breathe, not caring that the wonder I feel is written all over my face."Do you know how much I love you?You're incredible."

She blushes.After all these years, her face still flushes when I compliment her.

"You're my whole world, Quatre," she replies, not breaking our gaze.

She doesn't realize how much her words affect me.I move my hand up her thigh, beneath her slip.Maybe I can show her.

[Click here to go on to Part Seven][1]

[Click here to return to Part Five][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_205.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_203.html



	8. Part Seven: Forward

Warnings: Well, this is where Quatre begins to show his nasty side . . . (if you haven't noticed, the farther we get from 195, the more out of character they become.This is attributed to their growing up, as well as the influence of married life, or lack thereof, in some cases.)

Disclaimer:Gundam Wing has never been, and will never be mine. sob

C&C . . . please?

From Forever to Forever

Part Seven: Forward

June 30, A.C. 205—Sally Po—6:16 p.m.

"And after that last mission, Lady Une insisted that Sally was offered this position—she's now second in command," WuFei boasts.It's nice to know that he's so happy for me.

"That's wonderful," Quatre says with a wide smile.It's rare to find an honest businessman.Then again, maybe he's more severe with people he hasn't known since he was a kid.

"I was flattered—I was certain WuFei would be offered the job before me."I don't especially like being the center of attention.It was WuFei's idea to host a dinner party.It's strangely out of character for either of us to be so social—for any other event he would've suggested a romantic evening alone.So I'm sure he's ecstatic, even if he still keeps his severe act.

"So, are you two not getting married because you want to stay with the Preventors?" Silvia asks meekly.The others seem to think marriage is a sensitive topic with us.It'd be funny, except that this was the first year WuFei could even utter the word without cringing.

"Pretty much," WuFei admits."I think the rules should be changed a bit, though.It's ridiculous to allow us to live together but say we can't get married.Maybe they should only have it so Preventors can't marry outside the organization."He smiles at me, raising his eyebrows.I'm flattered.

"I agree!" Duo states rather loudly, slamming his arm down on the table."I could still be a Preventor if it weren't for their stupid regulations!"His wife catches the glass he knocks over before it hits the floor.

Hilde sighs, tossing the cup in her hands.She's probably heard this argument dozens of times."No, Duo—a Preventor can't be burdened with thoughts of a family.It keeps them from doing whatever is necessary to complete a mission.You can't honestly say you wouldn't hold back in a battle if you have the twins on your mind, right?"

He looks away, defeated."I guess."

"I don't think the Preventors should be held to different standards than any other armed force, though," Relena says after a moment's reflection."If our Specials Force allows married officers, like my brother, why shouldn't the Preventors?"

Heero stands, a commanding expression on his face."Your brother doesn't take on missions knowing he has a twenty percent chance of survival.He doesn't have the same training standards that Preventors have, and his job isn't nearly as secretive.As Preventors we are forced to keep secrets from civilians and even each other.It isn't right to force a married couple to keep secrets from each other.And with the high mortality rate of the Preventor units, we have to keep the soldiers from leaving behind widows and fatherless children."

"Or motherless children," Trowa adds.

Heero nods, respectfully, toward Hilde.She had been a Preventor for three years before her pregnancy."Because of their rules," Heero continues, "I finally realized that I was ready to get married.I was willing to leave the organization in order to be with Relena."They share a small smile as he stands behind her chair, wrapping his arms around her.It's cute that they're still newlyweds after a year.

"Well said," I agree, getting up to bring out the main course.As much as I love WuFei, I can't imagine ever leaving the Preventors.Working only in the hospitals and laboratories did little for me—I like to be out there helping people at all levels.Maybe someday we'll want to leave the organization, but now we're happy as we are.

June 30th—Relena Darlian—8:57 p.m.

I lean against Heero, squeezing his hand in my own as he tells yet another battle story.This time he's talking about the Zero System and his experience with the Epyon.Hilde and Sally are the only ones who are really listening.The other former gundam pilots have glassy expressions.It's probably a defense mechanism.I hear the system was fairly warped.

"Uncle Heero, do you have to tell this story again?" five-year-old Tresa Maxwell asks from her perch on Sally's lap."You told us this one last Christmas!"

"Yeah—when you told us about the time Uncle Quatre went crazy and tried to kill you!" Judas shouts, clinging to Hilde's knee.They are rambunctious twins—exactly what you'd expect from Hilde and Duo.

"Come on, kids," Trowa says, standing up.Maja Winner holds on to his hand as he leads the three children from the room."Let's learn how to juggle." 

Heero pouts momentarily.His story is forgotten and we're all gushing over Trowa's parental abilities.Leave it to Trowa to upstage the perfect soldier.I pat my husband's knee supportively.

"He spends a lot of time with Catherine's boys. That's why he's so great with kids," Quatre informs us.

"And Maja—he's always visiting her, too."Silvia looks out toward the dining room, where her four-year-old is attempting to juggle with two oranges.

"He should settle down and start a family," I say, squeezing Heero's hand again.Although we've decided to wait a while to have any children, I've become impatient, watching my friends with their kids. 

"Are there any nice women on your team that you can hook him up with?" WuFei asks Sally.

She snorts."I don't work with nice women.Besides, a man like Trowa must have someone in mind already—maybe someone in his team." 

"Nyah—there aren't many nice female Preventors," Heero says, oblivious to the glares he receives from Sally and Hilde.He turns toward Silvia and Quatre."You two spend more time with him than we do—are there any girls he wants to meet?"

Silvia averts her eyes."I don't think he's interested in that sort of thing."

Wait—does she mean—?

Duo begins to chuckle."So it is true!Trowa's gay, isn't he?"

Quatre blushes slightly as he nods.Apparently he doesn't feel very comfortable acknowledging his friend's sexual orientation.For a moment my romantic notions take over, and I wonder if Quatre and Trowa's friendship had ever been taken to a deeper level, but my sensibility returns.Certainly nothing like that could've happened.Quatre's orientation had never been in question—and he's always been completely devoted to Silvia.I'm just jumping to fanciful conclusions.

"Well, even if he is gay—he can always find a life-partner and raise a family," Sally states hopefully."There have been massive advancements in chromosome studies and genetic engineering.And artificial wombs have been in use since before we were born."

Quatre scowls uncharacteristically."Maybe he doesn't think a test-tube freak is natural."

We stare at him in shock.It's not like him to be so insincere and narrow-minded.And now he's criticizing Sally's medical work.I notice that none of us look more appalled than Silvia.She looks at him as if he's someone completely different than the man she's been with for seven years.

Just then Trowa returns with a Maxwell twin clinging to each leg and Maja Winner riding piggyback. 

"So Trowa," I begin, hoping to lower the rising tension in the room."Are you ever going to settle down?You can't be a Preventor forever."

"Yeah, I guess someday I will," he answers with a playful smile, as Maja nuzzles up to him from behind."I'm just waiting for this little one to grow up!"

"That's the way to do it Trowa," WuFei chides."Go for the young and beautiful heiress!"

Quatre groans and drops his head in his hands in mock-horror.

Duo clamps a comforting hand on Quatre's shoulder."Sorry man, but you're losin' her already."

Trowa gently sets Maja on the floor and she runs to her father's lap, giving him a much-needed hug.With a tiny smirk and a thumb stuck in her mouth, she leans over Quatre's shoulder to smile at Trowa.

June 30th—Silvia Noventa-Winner—11:51 p.m

The hotel suite is silent, except for the occasional muffled word coming from Maja's room.She's been talking in her sleep for several months now—one of many traits she's inherited from Quatre.I listen to his breathing, wondering if he's still awake.It sounds like he is.

"Why did you insult Sally like that?" I ask, recalling his rude comment about "test-tube freaks" for the fiftieth time this evening.

"What do you mean?"He's laying on his stomach and his pillow muffles his voice.

"Didn't you know that she was with the team that made the chromosome breakthroughs before the war that allow gay couples to have children?"

He sits up, turning toward me.His expression is unusually cold."No, I didn't," he answers in a voice more suited to Heero Yuy than to my sweet, gentle husband.It's clear that his actions would've been the same even if he had known.

I won't get any more answers if I ask all the questions running through my head.Instead, I roll over and convince myself to let it go.I hate seeing Quatre like this.I'd rather go to bed with questions than go to bed with him angry with me.

He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him."I'm sorry," he murmurs into my hair."I was a test-tube baby," he whispers softly."I just can't accept it."

"Why?" 

I can feel his shrug."It's not natural.My father produced twenty-nine children before me.When he realized that he needed a male heir, he created me.Not because he wanted another child, but because he needed a boy.I was a convenience."He pauses for a moment."Rashid and the other Maganacs told me to take pride in my birth, but I've never been able to.They were created out of love—probably by parents who couldn't have children.I wasn't.I was just there because my colony didn't allow female inheritance."

After a moment of silence I speak again.He doesn't really believe that, does he?"Quatre, what's your earliest memory?"

"My father giving me my first violin," he answers without hesitation."He taught me how to hold it, and how to draw the bow across the strings."

"Do you remember it as an act of love?"

I feel his head nodding against my shoulder.

"So, the truth is, even if you were created in a laboratory for a specific purpose—your father loved you." 

"Yes," he whispers finally."I suppose you're right."

I pause for a moment, letting him think about it."If you had known that I would have so much trouble with Maja, wouldn't you have opted for an artificial womb—to ensure our safety?"

"In a heartbeat," he answers, bringing his hand up to my cheek to caress it gently."And we would've loved her just the same.You're right—I'm sorry I was being so unreasonable."

I smile, snuggling closer to him.I understand what he meant—even if I didn't agree with him.But I like having my sweet and caring husband with me again.

[Click here to go on to Part Eight][1]

[Click here to return to Part Six][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_206.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_204.html



	9. Part Eight: For Poorer

Warning: Massive shounen ai warning!!Ahh, now the plot thickens . . . 

Disclaimer: GW is owned by Sunrise and the Sotsu Agency.I am affiliated with neither.(Hence the name: fanfiction)

Comments?Criticism?Praise?Flames?Send 'em all!

From Forever to Forever

Part Eight: For Poorer

March 19th, A.C. 206—Duo Maxwell—9:24 p.m.

Ah, there's nothing quite as nice as a bachelor party.I never got one, since I was already happily living with Hilde and our kids when we got married.Quatre didn't get one, since he eloped after knowing Silvia for less than a month.And Heero didn't want one.Now, I personally think that's just strange.But, hey—when has Heero Yuy ever been normal?Since he started dating Relena he got a little more normal.Married life has made him kind of prudish.He didn't even want to come to this bachelor party—he wanted to stay home with Relena and their new daughter, Irina.

That's another thing that bothers me—I know Relena and Heero are big on their pacifism thing—but to name their kid something that means "peace"—I think that's a bit much.Then again, my daughter's name means "reaper."I guess I don't have much room to talk.

Anyhow, this bachelor party is for Sapte [1], a guy who used to be on my Preventor Team—along with Heero and WuFei.He's getting married in two weeks.I tried to warn him, but then Quatre butted in, gushing about how terrific married life is.Once I saw Sapte's eyes glaze over I knew he was lost.Yet another perfectly good Preventor down the drain.They really need to change that stupid rule.They've lost the best three they ever had—Heero, Quatre, and me.I won't be surprised if WuFei's the next to go.He and Sally are pretty serious.

The strippers are coming in a half an hour.I can't wait.Of course, once Hilde realized there'd be strippers she insisted that I keep an "eyes only" policy.Women just don't understand that strippers are strippers—nice to look at, nice to fantasize about—but not the girls we keep going home to.Ah well.I promised her that I'll be good.I guess I'll have to live vicariously through the others.But who?

Not Trowa.WuFei?Nyah, he wouldn't know how to have fun with a stripper.He'd probably call her a stupid woman and tell her to put some clothes on.God, I don't know how Sally can handle him.Heero?No way.Every time I see him he's on the phone, talking to Relena or cooing at his "Widdle Rina."I hope I wasn't that annoying when Tresa and Judas were born.

Will Quatre be willing to have some fun tonight?Probably not.He's beyond faithful to Silvia.

Of course, I can always try to get him drunk.That'll be harder than any mission I've ever attempted.But it'll be fun.

I make my way over to the couch, where he's talking to WuFei."Want a drink?" I ask them.WuFei shows me his bottle of beer and Quatre shakes his head.

"You know I don't, Duo," he says, turning back to WuFei.

I insist."Aww, just try it for once.If you do, I promise I won't ever ask you to do it again."

WuFei snickers."Isn't that how you ended up with children, Maxwell?"

Actually, he's not far from the truth.But I ignore him."Just this once, Q?"

"Muslims don't drink."He's not even giving me a chance.

"Some do," I answer, leaning closer."Or did you not notice Ahmed and Abdul doing shots at your wife's last Christmas party?"Ha!I knew I'd be able to put that info to good use!

He takes the bait."Really?"

"Mm-hmm.Here—try this."I hand him my screwdriver.Nothing like vodka and orange juice to convince a fellow that drinking is a good thing.

He takes it and smells it.With a shrug he takes a small sip."It's . . . not . . . that bad."His lips curve into a hesitant smile and he takes another sip.

"What are you gaining from this?" WuFei asks, glaring at me.

"You wouldn't understand," I laugh, patting him on the shoulder.

"That was very good, Duo," Quatre says, setting down an empty glass.He drank it that quickly?This might be a hell of a lot easier than I'd thought!

March 19th—Quatre Winner—10:39 p.m.

"So what's your name?" the redhead asks, putting on her coat.Her voice is husky.

"Quatre.You?"

"Alexia.Give me a call if you need me for anything, honey."She hands me a business card, but the words keep blending together.Is it English?

She leans forward and brushes her lips against mine.She smells like perfume and cigarettes, and I deepen the kiss.It's nice.Not as nice as Silvia, but nice.

Silvia?

I pull away suddenly and button her coat up for her.The other women are buttoning their coats, too.They were nice.All of them.I can't help but laugh as I remember their dancing.It was fun.

Rough hands grab me by the shoulders, pulling me backwards."What are you doing?" It's Trowa.

I stumble, but I never hit the parquet closet floor.Trowa caught me?I giggle."I'm saying goodbye to the nice strippers."I laugh some more, grabbing onto a nearby coat.We're in the closet?

"How much have you had to drink, Quatre?"He turns me around so I'm staring into his eyes.No.His eye.He looks fierce.Does he growl?I've always imagined that he would growl like a lion, if he was mad.Or excited.

"Lots," I answer, finally answering his question."I've had lots of drinks.Ask Duo.He gave 'em to me."I brush Trowa's bangs back, looking back and forth between both of his eyes.They're pretty.

"You need to sober up," Trowa says, grabbing the door.He's leaving?I like it here.It's nice.I step closer to him, but he pushes me away.

"Wait!"I don't want him to go just yet."Let's talk."

He pauses, leaning against the wall."What do you want to say, Quatre?"

I like it when he says my name.It always sounds best coming from him.

I grab the long string attached to the light above and yank on it.We're surrounded by darkness.I giggle.

"Quatre."His voice is fierce, like he's warning me.I wonder if he'll growl if I don't turn the light on.I step closer to him, feeling the darkness around me.My hands make contact with his chest, and I fall forward.

"I wanna know if you're still mad."I drop my head onto his chest, listening for his heartbeat.I can't hear it.

"Mad about what?"Does he ever say sentences with more than three words?

"The time you kissed me on the balcony and I pushed you away."There's his heart.I tap my fingers in rhythm against his collarbone.

"No," he answers, his hands are placed firmly on my shoulders."You're married.You're straight.You had every right to push me away."

A band of light is visible at the bottom of the door, and it's bright enough for me to see Trowa's eyes.I push his bangs back again.

"I should've kissed you back," I whisper.What am I saying?The room feels like it's spinning again, so I hold on tighter to Trowa.If I keep looking at his eyes, I know it will stop.

His hands move up to rest gently on the sides of my face."What are you saying, Quatre?"

I lean forward, brushing my lips against his.They're even softer than the stripper's were.Very nice.I laugh as I pull away from him.For a moment I wonder if he could ever growl for me.I kiss him again, this time it's fierce.And nice.I wrap my arms around his neck as the world spins around me.Luckily he's holding me up.

March 19th—Trowa Barton—10:44 p.m.

God, I don't know what has happened, but I don't want it to stop.He tastes like orange juice and vodka and that unique bit of Quatre that I'd thought I'd forgotten years ago.I still love him.I can't deny it anymore.I close my eyes as he leans against my body.My head feels like it may burst with sheer joy.

But this isn't right.

I tear myself away from him, immediately regretting the loss of his mouth against mine, the warmth of him.But he's drunk—really drunk.I can't let it happen like this.

But if it doesn't happen like this, how will it ever happen at all?By pulling away from him, I'm keeping myself from ever having Quatre Winner in my arms again.I peer at him in the darkness, hating myself for being loyal to his family.Hating myself for wanting to betray them.

"What's wrong, Trowa?" Quatre asks. His words are slightly slurred and he gazes at me through sleepy eyes.I've never seen him look quite so enticing."I thought you liked me."

"Stop it, Quatre."I try to keep my voice harsh.I can't let him know that there's nothing I'd rather do than stand in a hall closet kissing him.I try to push him away, but he resists.

He tightens his arms around me, nuzzling against my chest.My stomach lurches. He obviously doesn't know how close I am to giving in to him."But, Trowa—"

"No!" I cut him off and push him with much more force.He stumbles backward, hitting the opposite wall."You have Silvia.You love her.Don't screw things up just because of a few drinks." 

I can't wait for his response.I open the closet door and step out, not looking back.My hands are shaking and my insides feel like they've been beaten up.I lean on the wall for support.

"Hey Tro—finally coming out of the closet, are you?" Duo asks, laughing at his own joke.He's drunk, too.He probably had two shots for every one Quatre took."You didn't see Wuffie or Quatre in there did ya?I can't find 'em and I've run outta places to look.Maybe they ran off with the strippers.Lucky bastards."

I shake my head."Maybe they're with Heero?" I suggest.Even as drunk as he is, Duo would draw the right conclusion if he knew I'd been in there with Quatre.

"Nyah," Duo answers with a sneer."Heero's gone.I think the strippers made him miss Relena."With a snicker Duo heads off toward the kitchen, calling WuFei's name loudly.

I sit down on a nearby chair, holding my head in my hands.Eight years for nothing.I'd tried so hard to convince myself that I didn't really love him, and now where am I?Back at the beginning again, wishing I hadn't said anything to him in the first place—no, worse.Now I know that somewhere inside of him, Quatre's interested.

*Author's note*

[1] The name "Sapte" is derived from the Romanian number "seven", and is pronounced "SHAHP-tay".Why this name?To stay with the GW-number theme, and because Romanian is my favorite of all the languages I know.Why seven?Well, it was going to be "Patru" but that means four.Then I thought: 3x4=12, so it would be "doazeci" (doe-ah-zech), which is kinda weird.So I settled for 3+4. ^_^ 

[Click here to go on to Part Nine][1]

[Click here to go back to Part Seven][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_207.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_205.html



	10. Part Nine: To Honor

Warning: shounen ai

Disclaimer: GW isn't mine (though I really want to take Wuffie…) It's owned by richer, happier people of whom I beg not to sue.

C&C?Please!!

From Forever to Forever

Part Nine: To Honor

October 23rd, A.C. 207—WuFei Chang—10:52 a.m.

"WuFei," Lady Une leans on my desk, her eyes boring into mine."You're a good soldier.You're the most observant man I've ever met.This report makes no sense to me, and I _know_ it's because you've left out vital information.This was the best team the Preventors ever had—I want to know why two of my men are in the hospital with bullet wounds."

I scowl."An enemy got by and managed to get a shot at Trowa.Quatre stopped to help Trowa escape, and made himself an easy target.It's just as I wrote."

She stands up straight, dropping my mission report on the desk."I want it rewritten—with the whole story."She stalks over to the door of my office, then stops."Consider yourself lucky that the hostages weren't harmed.That could've been disastrous for the department."

After she leaves, Sally steps closer to the desk."Will you tell me the truth?"

I shove my report toward her."Read it for yourself."

"Damn it, WuFei!Can't you trust me?We've only been living together for ten years!"

She doesn't understand."If I tell you, you'll have to report it to Lady Une.It's not anything that will hurt the Preventor Operations in the future, since Duo, Heero, and Quatre were only helping us for this one mission.And it was successful.We completed our objectives, so just let it go."

She glares at me for a minute, then reaches over and rips the Preventor patch off of her jacket-sleeve."Does this make a difference?" she asks, throwing it onto my desk.

I shake my head and she storms out of the office.

How can I tell her that Trowa and Quatre were hurt because Duo balked?

We had been the snipers covering Quatre as he downloaded security information from the terrorists' database.Heero and Trowa were supposed to be there already, after sneaking in from the opposite side.

From my alcove I could see Duo, and a soldier approaching Quatre.He was closer to Duo, so I waited.But Duo didn't shoot.I watched his face—his eyes narrowing as he was about to pull the trigger.But then he looked shocked and surprised, and maybe even guilty.He shrank back into his corner, letting the terrorist pass.

I tried to cover—I shot at the man, but the angle was bad and I missed.The soldier was warned of our presence, and immediately shot at Quatre.

And Trowa, who had just run in with Heero, pushed Quatre out of the way and took the bullet through his lung.After that, Quatre did his best to drag Trowa out of the building, but in doing so, took several bullets himself.

I sit back in my chair, taking the mission report in my hands.I'll change it, but I won't expose anyone.

Preventors aren't supposed to develop a conscience.And they're trained to leave a man down if they're in danger.But I'm glad Trowa saved Quatre.It would've killed Quatre—it would've got him through the heart.

But why?They're best friends, I know.I can't help but wonder, though, if there isn't something more that I'm missing.

When Trowa and I went to tell Quatre that the Preventors needed his help to stop dangerous terrorists, we ran into Maja on the way out.She had pulled Trowa aside and asked if her 'daddy' would be in danger.Trowa responded honestly and Maja asked if he would marry Silvia and take care of them, should Quatre get killed.I had wondered, for a moment, if the girl was unusually morbid.But then I was surprised by Trowa's quick response: "Should anything happen to your parents, Maja, it's my duty to take care of you.I would gladly marry your mother and take care of you both forever, if that's what she wanted."

Is he in love with Silvia?It seems crazy to wonder—I mean, since everyone says he's gay.But how else can this be explained?He probably saved Quatre's life for Silvia as much as for himself—who wants to see the pain of the one he loves?

I set the report down and look at the phone; maybe I should call Sally.

October 23rd—Duo Maxwell—12:19 p.m.

I hate hospitals.They smell so . . . sterile.And harsh.But I have to be here.Trowa was moved out of I.C.U. today, and I've got to talk to him.

Hilde squeezes my hand.I haven't told her anything, bit she seems to know that something big is on my mind.She skipped work to be here with me.Thank God the kids are in school.I don't think I could handle watching two hyperactive seven-year-old pranksters right now.

"Hilde," I began, squeezing her hand gently in return, "I need to tell you something."

She arches her eyebrow inquisitively at me."Hmm?"

"I-well, you see . . . it's my fault that Trowa and Quatre are here." 

She snaps her hand away."Duo?What are you talking about?You didn't turn on them like a traitor, did you?"

Hell, I'd forgotten what she could be like."No!I mean that I fucked up.I failed my end of the mission!"

Her expression softens."How?"

I drop my head in my hands."There was a guy I was supposed to shoot—I was covering Quatre.But just as I was about to pull the trigger, I wondered if he was like me: somebody's husband, somebody's father.I didn't want to be the one who caused a kid to grow up without a dad.I wondered what it'd be like if it was reversed—if I was killed leaving you with the twins."

"Oh, Duo," she breathes."This is why fathers and husbands aren't in the Preventor Operations any more."

I nod.I hadn't truly understood it until now.

"I couldn't kill him—I freaked.But once I saw him shoot at Quatre I snapped.I'd given him his life, but only so he could disregard everything that Quatre is.After that I killed him—and all the bastards that followed.But Trowa got himself shot, and Quatre ended up hurt, too, because of me."

I sigh, sitting up and facing Hilde again."I think the worst thing, though, was that _I _was the one who left Quatre in danger.Trowa was the guy who acted like a real friend, and put his own life on the line for him."

Hilde gently pulls me closer, giving me a tender kiss."You're going to have to accept the things that change during your life, honey, and not wish that you could go back and change it all."

She's right—but that doesn't keep me from being wrong.

I've learned one thing, though.I don't want to be a Preventor anymore.

October 23rd—Silvia Noventa-Winner—5:17 p.m.

"Hey there."My voice is quiet—in that soft hospital voice people use when they visit sick friends.

"Hey."Trowa sounds weak, but then again he just regained consciousness this morning.

"I'd hoped Maja could come visit you—but Sally had to pull strings to let her see Quatre.I couldn't ask for more."

Trowa smiles, but with a wince of pain."I wouldn't want her to see me like this, anyway."

I sit down in the chair next to his bed, taking his hand in mine."She misses you, and asks how you're doing more often than she asks about her own father.In fact, just the other day, her kindergarten teacher came to me suggesting that maybe Maja needed counseling, since she insists that her family consists of her mother, her father, and her Trowa."

He laughs slightly, following it with shallow breaths."That's flattering, if not somewhat dysfunctional."

"You _are_ part of our family, Trowa," I tell him, squeezing his hand for emphasis.He saved Quatre's life—I owe him everything."If it weren't for you, I—we—" I choke up, tears constricting my throat.

His hand reaches upward, wiping a tear away from my cheek."I know."His voice is thick with pain."I'd be lost without him, too."

I know this.I've known that he loves my husband for as long as I've known him.And I can accept it.It brings me closer to him than Quatre is, in a way.Yet it hurts me to think that Quatre loves him in a way he cannot love me; it hurts me to know that Quatre so easily risked his life to get Trowa to safety.

It's unfair for me to feel this way.But Quatre's my husband—the father of my little girl.A selfish part of me wants him to be all mine—I don't want anyone else to be as foolishly in love with him as I was when we married.I don't want anyone else to have felt as though their heart had been ripped out when he was in danger.

And what makes it so hard is knowing that Quatre could've fallen for him, had it not been for me.

"But I did it for you—not for me."Trowa's words interrupt my rambling thoughts."I couldn't let anything happen to him, knowing that you two would be hurt as well."

I lean forward, smoothing his hair away from his face."Thank you," I whisper, kissing his cheek and his forehead."From both me and Quatre."

He looks up at me, his eyes laced with a tinge of sadness."How is he?"

"Fine," I answer, hoping to quell his concern.He needs to worry about his own health first."He tells me that getting shot is worth it, as long as you're okay."

His eyes droop shut as a small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth."That's nice to know."

[Click here to go on to Part Ten][1]

[Click here to return to Part Eight][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_208.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_206.html



	11. Part Ten: Do Us Part

Umm . . . This is where my story takes a darker turn.I'm sorry if you're opposed to it—but I had to!

Warning: uh…there's a little bit of, ah, death and angst in this section.

Disclaimer: They're not mine; please don't take legal action!

C&C always welcome!

From Forever to Forever

Part Ten: Do Us Part

June 29th, AC 208—Trowa Barton—5:39 a.m.

I wake up with a start.Glancing at the clock, I notice that it's not even six.

Something's wrong.

For a moment I wonder if someone has broken into my apartment—everything feels strange.But it's quiet, except for my pounding heart.

Was it a nightmare?I vaguely recall hearing something—someone—calling my name.

It must've been a dream.

I lay back down, hoping to catch another hour of sleep before I have to get ready for work.But every time I close my eyes, my heart and my head begin pounding again.

Danger.Trouble.It's like a flash—a red alert going off subconsciously.Vague sensations from my dream still course through my mind.I can fell my muscles tensing involuntarily, and somewhere in the back of my mind, it all feels familiar.I've felt this way before—when we were fighting on the Libra.

I keep thinking that I can almost hear someone calling my name again.

Quatre.

His face. His voice.Both flash into my mind.

What if it's not a dream?What if there's really trouble?

It's probably just my reoccurring nightmare—the one where I don't make it in time to save Quatre from that bullet.

But this feels remarkably different.

I get up and pad my way to the kitchen, taking a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

I turn on the tiny television set; it's still on the twenty-four hour news channel.

For a moment, the images don't register.My mind is still floating somewhere between dreams and confusion.Then reality hits me.

Quatre. 

I set down the water and flip off the TV, making my way to the bedroom.

Pulling out an old suitcase, I begin to pack everything I may need for my trip to his colony.

"Wait for me, Quatre."

June 29th—Heero Yuy—8:14 a. m.

"Good morning," Relena says with a sigh as she walks into the kitchen.She's already dressed for work and looks like she's been awake for hours, though I know she's hardly been up for twenty minutes.

"Morning," I reply, handing her a cup of coffee."How's Rina doing?"

"Better," she answers, taking a sip."Her fever has gone down and her cough is almost gone.I was going to ask you to let her sleep in again today; she needs her rest."

"Do you want me to call you if anything changes?"

She smiles wearily."Only if it's drastic.You always take better care of her when she's sick, anyway."She leans against me, offering a quick kiss before sitting at the table.

I sit next to her and pass the newspaper to her.I usually don't have anything for breakfast, but today I pour myself a cup of coffee.

Relena immediately turns to the business section, ignoring the front-page headlines.It's all sensationalism anyway, I can hear her telling me in my head.I can barely make out the picture of debris floating in the ocean, and a Preventor salvaging crew.Part of the headline is visible: "148 People Killed in Shuttle Crash Off Spanish Coast."

Damn.There hasn't been anything like this in the past few years; safety regulations are too strict for accidents of this magnitude.

Relena turns the page, and suddenly I'm able to read the article's subheading: "Among the casualties is L-4 Representative Noventa-Winner."

Silvia.

I grab the newspaper from Relena, showing her the feature article.She says nothing, just holding one hand over her mouth and reading with wide, tear-filled eyes.

"W-when did it happen?" she asks, scanning the page frantically.

"It says it was around 5:30 this morning."The article doesn't mention Quatre.Was he there?Certainly they'd mention his name if he was.And what about Maja?

I scan the columns again, looking for any mention of the other casualties.

Oh God.

Casualties.My chest aches just thinking about it.Silvia is dead.Gone.And Quatre and Maja could be alive, possibly discovering it all right now.

Oh God.

I look at Relena; she's rereading the front page, shaking her head in denial."No," she murmurs, wiping at her eyes."It can't be—I just talked to her yesterday . .."

Oh God, I can't help but hope, for Quatre's sake, that he was with her on that shuttle.How can he live without her?

Could I live without Relena, now that I've devoted my life to her?Just Irina and me?

No.

Life would be meaningless.Empty.Cheap.

I take the paper, noticing a small biographical article about Silvia's accomplishments in the Parliament.The last line catches my attention."Rep. Noventa-Winner is survived by her husband, multi-millionaire Quatre Winner, and their daughter."

Oh God.

Quatre has to continue his life without Silvia, taking care of Maja alone.

June 29th—Sally Po—8:12 p.m.

I feel sick.We've been working for the past fifteen hours, along with some former members of the Sweepers and other salvaging teams. Digging up parts of a destroyed shuttle isn't fun.It's frustrating work, even when you're detached.

But I don't have that advantage now, do I?

I didn't want to accept leadership of this particular project.But we have to look for evidence of sabotage or any signs of foul play—and Une had pointed out to me that no one in the Preventors was more experienced or more adept at salvaging than me.

And WuFei came, too.

I told him not to, but I think he wants to see it all for himself—it will force him to accept the truth.

Silvia's gone.

I hand WuFei a cup of coffee and he lifts it to his lips with trembling hands.His face is pinched; his eyes are bloodshot.

"Do you want to call Quatre?" I ask, laying my hand on his shoulder.

He shakes his head."Trowa's with him, I'm sure."

He stares vacantly across the deck of the ship, watching the crew work diligently.

"We don't think the shuttle was tampered with.It looks like it was a malfunction of the thrusters or the fuel injection.We won't know for sure until we find the flight recorder."

He closes his eyes, dropping his Styrofoam cup and bringing his hands to his face.For a moment I don't understand—I thought it was _better _that it wasn't foul play.

But then again, I know WuFei.I know how he thinks; he can wear his heart on his sleeve, much to the surprise of others.

He'd rather have someone concrete to blame.

His crying hurts me more than anything.I pull him into my arms, feeling his entire body shake.I let his grief seep into me and I begin to cry with him.

"There's no use, is there?" he asks through his tears."Even without war, deaths are meaningless.Quatre—Maja—what do they do now?"

He mumbles incoherently, clutching my shoulders as sobs rack his body.I know that he's lost in his own nightmare, thinking of her, and remembering what it's like to feel useless while losing a loved one.

I lead him to our cabin, below deck, wiping my own tears on my sleeve.As I fumble for my keys, he gently lifts my chin with his calloused fingers. His dark eyes are glistening and red-rimmed.

"It could've been you," he whispers insistently."And I'm so ashamed for being relieved."New tears course down his cheeks and I pull him close again, burying my head in his neck.

Overwhelming surges of love and relief floods through my mind, making my grief multiply tenfold.I feel like my heart is swelling, ready to burst with an overflow of pain.

And I know that someday I'll be able to look back without pain—and that makes me cry harder.

We stand there, sobbing in the corridor and clinging to each other like life preservers.

[Click here to go on to Part Eleven][1]

[Click here to return to Part Nine][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_209.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_207.html



	12. Part Eleven: In Sickness

Notes: Well . . . in this chapter, Maja does something that may sound very weird, and that's climbing out onto the slate roof of a porch.Now, I, for one, do not think this is all that strange for and 8-year-old, because I did it when I was six (along with my brother & sister).So, if it sounds really strange—forgive me; I guess it's the result of a very strange childhood in which I acted more like an orangutan than a human.^_^

Warnings: ah, depression.Poor Quatre.And of course, there's some degree of my ongoing Trowa-torture, though it's really muted in comparison to other chapters.

Disclaimer: As much as I hate saying this, Gundam Wing isn't mine.It belongs to Sunrise, the Sotsu Agency, Bandai, and probably a gazillion others.

C&C?Welcome, as ever!

From Forever to Forever

Part Eleven: In Sickness

April 13th, A.C. 209—Quatre Winner—8:12 a.m.

I hate flying—in airplanes, small spacecrafts, large inter-colonial shuttles—it doesn't matter.I can't stand it.And it's not that I'm afraid of crashing; I don't fear my own death.It's just that every time I fly, I wonder what it was like for Silvia when her shuttle went down.Did she know what was going on?Did she think of Maja or me?Did she cry?I hate thinking about it.

It's almost humorous, knowing that I used to pilot numerous aircraft.

My fingers grip the arm rests as the shuttle begins rumbling in preparation for the launch.Maja looks up at me with laughter in her eyes.She must think I'm crazy.

"So who all's supposed to be there?" she asks, turning back to the window."Other than you and me and Trowa."

I glance across the aisle at Trowa, who has already stretched out for a flight-long nap.Maja's been fairly attached to him since he moved to our colony, shortly after Silvia's memorial service.Really, he's been a savior.

Maja tugs on my arm impatiently.

"Let's see," I begin, "It'll be Duo and Hilde and Judas and Tresa, of course."

Maja rolls her eyes."Of course the twins'll be there, Daddy.It's their birthday."

I ignore her, smiling slightly."And Heero's bringing Irina."

"Will Relena be there?" she asks with wide eyes.For some reason, Relena has managed to charm the children.I think it's the same charisma that's kept her political role secure.

I shrug."I hope so.WuFei and Sally might be there, too.Plus all of their friends from school will be there for part of the time."

Maja sighs contentedly, leaning back against the leather seat."I think I'm gonna go to sleep, too.Will you tell me a story?"

I raise my eyebrows at her."Last night you said you were too old for bedtime stories."

She smiles and closes her eyes."Well, it's not bedtime, is it?Tell me about how you and mom fell in love."

"Don't you ever get tired of this story?"

She shakes her head, and I begin.

"Well, it all started when I left the Preventors temporarily in order to take over my family's business.I was on a business trip, flying down to Earth to finance a new project, and there was a really beautiful girl sitting across the aisle from me.She was standing up, reaching for something in the overhead compartment, when she lost her balance and fell onto me."

Maja giggles, sounding almost exactly like Silvia did that day.

"And of course, I was instantly smitten."

"Was she?" Maja asks with a yawn.Her eyes drift shut.

I shrug."I suppose she was.We ran into each other at the spaceport after the flight, and she asked me if I had any plans for dinner.So I told her that I didn't, and then immediately went to a telephone and cancelled all my plans for that evening."

"And then what happened?" she asks, her eyes popping open again.She has a mischievous expression.For a moment I wonder just how much of this story Silvia had told her.I shake my head.No, she's only eight.

"We went out for dinner, and were really upset that our schedules wouldn't really give us a chance to meet again.But over the next week we kept running into each other at our business meetings and corporate dinners, as well as some of our favorite places.So one night, after an opera performance, I waited outside her box and asked her to come to a late dinner with me.From that moment on we were inseparable.I asked her to marry me that night."

"I love that story," Maja sighs happily."But I don't think I can sleep."

I fish around in her backpack, pulling out an old worn-out book."Here—read for a little while, then."She accepts the book with a grin—it's A Little Princess—her favorite.

She settles into the seat, drawing her knees up to her chest as soon as the "fasten seatbelts" sign flashes off.I remove my belt as well, glad that the launch is over.

"I've never heard that story before," Trowa says softly, smiling slightly.

"I didn't know you were awake."

He nods."It was part of the plan."

"Plan?"

He nods again, his smile broadening."Maja said that you hated flights, so I suggested that she distract you.The rest was her idea.And it looks like it was fairly successful."

I shake my head in disbelief."I can't believe I was outsmarted by my own daughter."

Trowa laughs; the sound is even more musical than my violin."Just wait—I have a feeling this won't be the only time.She's a clever little one."He leans against the back of his chair again, closing his eyes.Remnants of a smile still show on his face, bringing a similar grin to my own lips.

April 13th—Relena Darlian—3:32 p.m.

"Is that better?" I ask, putting a band-aid on Maja's scraped knee.

She straightens her leg, checking how much the bandage will hinder her range of motion.Her face twists with a grimace of pain, but she doesn't cry out.She's a brave little girl; she almost seems like a female version of her father."I think it'll be okay," she says, hopping down from her perch on the kitchen table."Thank you, Relena."

Before she can make it to the kitchen door, Hilde blocks the exit."Now wait a minute, young 'un.You never mentioned exactly _how_ this knee got so scraped up."

Maja flushes noticeably, looking back and forth between Hilde and me."It was a dare."

Hilde raises her eyebrows slightly and I cover my smile with one hand.

Maja's gaze returns to the floor."I was climbing out on the roof and I slipped on some slate."

My god!An eight-year-old girl climbing on the roof of a house?!

Hilde crosses her arms."Which of them put you up to it?"Her question is met with silence."I know it was either Tresa or Judas.Any time friends stay over, they dare them to do things like this."She turns to me, her voice lower."Of course, most of the children have the common sense to stay on the ground."

Maja, hearing this, looks indignant."It was just the porch roof.I didn't mean to get anyone in trouble."When she sees that Hilde still wants an answer, she gets a sulky expression on her pretty face."It was Tresa."

Hilde moves out of the way, letting the little girl pass.Then she quickly follows, calling Tresa's name in a stern voice.

Before I can sit down to finish my coffee, Sally bursts through the door, a huge smile on her face."You won't believe what's going on."

"Are you talking whatever punishment Hilde's dealt out to Tresa?"

Sally shakes her head."No.This is nothing short of amazing.You have to see it."She takes me by the arm and practically drags me into the living room, where the birthday party has progressed to organized party games.I look around for Heero and find him sitting in the window seat, looking at a book with Irina.Trowa is sitting with Quatre, who has his eye on a very sulky little daughter.She must've gotten in trouble.I note that Tresa and Hilde are nowhere in sight.

Suddenly a voice catches my attention.Judas calls out, "Left foot, yellow!"My eyes move over toward the far end of the room, where a game of Twister is taking place.

WuFei is playing.

Duo and the children are twisted around him, balancing precariously beneath and over him.He growls. His untied hair keeps falling into his face, no matter how many times he blows it back with a puff of air.It only adds to his frustrations."There's no way I can reach yellow," he complains with a glare at Duo, who is blatantly laughing at his opponent.

I giggle, watching him play the game.It's so unlike him.Yet, lately WuFei has become a new person it seems—or maybe it's an old person, finally shining through.He no longer speaks of justice.He left the Preventors shortly after Silvia's death.And now, to see him not only at this birthday party, but playing with the children—I can understand why Sally is so amused.

"Left hand, blue!" Judas calls, snickering as his father gets tangled between WuFei's arms.

"If you fall on these kids, Maxwell, I'll kill you myself," WuFei threatens.

"Don't worry," Duo replies."I happen to be a _master _at Twister."

Heero snickers from across the room."I don't think I want to know."

Duo smirks, his face close to WuFei's as his legs are twisted beneath him."Yeah—just ask Hilde."

With a gasp, WuFei loses his balance, falling backward onto several kids.He jumps to his feet, checking to see if the others were hurt.Everyone seems okay, so he turns to Duo with clenched fists."That was not—"

"Fair?" Duo asks with a smirk."Just?"He looks around at his opponents who are still collapsed on the floor."Nyah—but I won."

WuFei huffs slightly, ignoring Sally's laughter.

I guess some things don't change.

April 13th—Trowa Barton—5:23 p.m.

After the last guest leaves, Hilde comes over to my side."Thanks for coming, Trowa," she says with a smile."It's nice to see you again; the kids have been crazy since you moved."

I shake my head, returning her smile."They were crazy before I left."

She laughs."I suppose.Anyway—I wanted to know if you'd like to stay for dinner.Heero and Relena need to take off, but I thought the rest of us could hang out for a little while."

I don't know if Quatre's planning on heading back tonight or not, but I'd like to stay."Sure—I'd like that."

She frowns slightly, her expression growing serious."Can I ask you something?"After I nod, she continues."How has Quatre been doing?Tell me honestly—he says he's fine, but I don't think so."

I shrug."It varies.Sometimes he acts like nothing has changed.Other times he'll drown himself in his work.He's even become preoccupied with politics—I think he's trying to pick up where Silvia left off."I don't mention the long business trips, when he leaves Maja with me.Or the way his eyes look so . . . empty.Dull.

She nods, her eyes full of sympathy."You'll take care of them, though?"

I smile sadly."That's why I moved out there.I think Silvia would've wanted someone to make sure they were all right."

She pats my hand in a gentle, motherly way that reminds me of all the things I love about her, and crosses the room to talk to WuFei and Sally.I glance around, searching for Quatre.Maja's still here, coloring at the table with Judas, so I know he hasn't left.

There's only one clear option—he's run off to take a business call.He does this all the time.

I make my way down the hall to the tiny room Hilde uses as her office.But as I lean against the door, I don't hear anyone speaking.Maybe he's not in here.I open the door a crack to see his golden head bent over the desk, clutching a small picture frame in his hands.

I enter quietly, but he looks up, hurriedly wiping his eyes.He's been in here crying by himself?

"I guess I've been gone a long time, huh?" he asks, his voice barely under control.

I sit down in the overstuffed chair next to the desk."I was wondering where you'd run off to."

He looks down at the photograph—a picture of Silvia and Quatre taken at Duo's and Hilde's wedding.They look happy.Beautiful.His thumb lightly runs over Silvia's image, a pained smile crossing his face."You know, she normally wore heels whenever we went out—just to be taller than me and annoy me.But since she was pregnant, I teased her because she couldn't do it that time."

He sighs, setting the picture back on the desk."Who would've thought it would all end?Ten years of marriage.Not even ten, really."

I don't answer him.What do you say to someone who has lost the most important thing in his life?I stand up and cross the room, sitting on the desk instead.

He looks up at me."You know—everyone predicted our marriage wouldn't last," he says with a bitter laugh."We married on a whim—we were the only ones who expected it to work out.We always ignored everyone, thinking that it would take a lot to separate us.Hell—I can remember the way she looked at me as we were reciting our marriage vows.When I got to "until death do us part," she gave me this knowing smile—she was thinking that even death wouldn't part us."

"It hasn't really, has it?" I ask, my voice low.It hurts me to see him like this.

He doesn't answer.I doubt he even heard me."Ten years," he whispers."I got to spend ten years with her.Do you realize that it was only one-third of her life?We were supposed to grow old together—retire together, dance with each other at Maja's wedding—everything.And none of it will happen."

He stands, leaning on the desk and hanging his head.I think he's crying again.

"And the worst thing," he begins with a shaky voice, "is that the more years I live, the less of my life I will have spent with her."He sounds desperate.He looks up at me, his turquoise eyes bright with tears.

My heart constricts at the sight of him; he's never been so openly vulnerable.Normally he's too busy trying to pull his and Maja's lives back together.But now—his desperation frightens me. 

I slide off the desk, bracing his shoulders with my hands."Quatre," I growl protectively."What are you saying?"

He averts his eyes, mumbling incoherently.

An icy stream of fear trickles through me.I close my eyes tightly, wishing that I didn't believe what I suddenly knew to be true."You aren't—"I can't even bring myself to say it.The idea is incomprehensible—too painful to give serious thought to.

Quatre forces a laugh.It sounds weak and desperate."No," he protests, trying to smile."God, Trowa, nothing like that."His voice cracks.

My heart breaks.

He clenches his fists, looking away as fresh tears betray his lie.

It takes me less than three steps to reach him.For the first time ever, I don't second-guess myself as I yank his trembling figure into my arms.Holding his head against my shoulder, I swallow the lump in my throat.How did this happen?How did this get so far without my knowing?"Damn it, Quatre," I say into his hair."Don't you know that without you, we'd all be lost?"

He slips his arms around me and holds on.

[Click here to go on to Part Twelve][1]

[Click here to return to Part Ten][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_210.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_208.html



	13. Part Twelve: From This Day

Warnings: All right, here it is: the 3x4/4x3 LIME!! (err. . . literally!)So, be prepared for some heavy shounen ai/yaoi implications. And of course, a fair amount of angst to accompany it!

Disclaimer: GW isn't mine, obviously, or there would've been a lot more Trowa/Quatre action in the series!So please don't sue me.You'll get virtually nothing.

C&C—please.

From Forever to Forever

Part Twelve: From This Day

May 19th A.C. 210—Quatre Winner—1:17 a.m.

After several seconds of staring at the door, I ring the bell.

Allah, I don't know what I'm doing here.This isn't what I'd planned.Hell, I don't even know if Trowa will be home.He said he didn't want to do anything for his birthday, but maybe he just didn't want to hang out with WuFei or Duo.What if he had plans—a date—and I'm interrupting?What if he has a guy over right now?I begin to turn away, but then I hear the sound of the door being unlocked.

"Quatre?" Trowa asks.He's dressed only in a pair of dark boxer shorts and a white t-shirt.Now I'm sure I'm interrupting something."What are you doing?"

I hold my hands out mutely, offering the white cardboard box from the diner down the street.

"You brought me cake?"His words are slurred, and I notice the smell of alcohol mingling with his distinctive scent.

I shake my head."No.All the bakeries were closed, so I stopped at a restaurant, but they didn't have cake. I got apple pie instead—your favorite."Trowa nods slightly, his eyes seeming to go out of focus.He's completely drunk!He steps aside and motions for me to enter his apartment.

I peer over his shoulder nervously."Are you . . . in the middle of something?"I ask.

He laughs.A laugh from Trowa is usually so rare and special—this one seems to lack something."Yeah.I was in the middle of getting myself wasted."

He walks over to the dining room table and picks up a saltshaker.I watch as he licks his forearm, pours some salt on it, and then licks it off.Tequila shots?I've seen Duo do this, but never Trowa.He gulps down a shot of the foul alcohol and then proceeds to suck on a slice of lime.

He looks back at me with a smile as he drops the lime into a bowl with the remains of at least six other slices."Why aren't you home?With Maja?"

I shrug."I had a dinner meeting to go to.She stayed over at a friend's, so I decided to drop by and see how you were enjoying your birthday."Evidently this year hadn't been a winner.

He glances over at the clock."'S not my birthday any more.'S tomorrow."

"Nyah," I counter."You only turn thirty once.You can enjoy it until you fall asleep."

Trowa snickers rudely."Do you wanna drink?" he asks, offering his glass to me.

I shouldn't.I haven't had any alcohol for years—not since that bachelor party so long ago.I still can't remember what all happened that night.WuFei often reminds me that he found me passed out on the floor of the hall closet.I obviously couldn't hold my liquor. 

But what can happen tonight?It's just the two of us—no worries about strippers or Duo trying to play tricks on us.What's the worst that can happen?

I nod, taking the glass.I follow his lead, taking the salt first.It's a disgusting process—but I have a feeling that tequila shots are the kind of thing that gets better with each additional drink.The tequila is bitter and nasty—but the lime really makes up for it.I finish, wiping a dribble of limejuice from my chin and handing the glass back to Trowa.I can't help but shudder.This drink is definitely a lot viler than whatever it was Duo gave me back then.

We do three more shots each, taking turns, until we're both feeling a lot more . . . unreserved.Trowa's almost smashed, but I can still think straight.I watch him in the dim light as he motions for the glass in my hands, and I wonder for a moment why neither of us bothered to find another.

"Why were you drinking, anyway?"I ask him, handing him the shot glass. 

He shrugs."I'm thirty.And I've got nothing to show for myself."He drops his head onto the table, looking dejected."Heero has Relena.WuFei has his career.Duo has his family.What do I have?"

I lift his head up, forcing him to look at me."You've got friends.And you've got Catherine.And you have me and Maja."

He sneers, yanking himself away from me."No.I've got a string of one night stands and meaningless relationships that can't ever amount to anything."He looks back at me, looking defensive.For a moment I expect him to say more, but then his face softens."But I guess you've had it worse than me, huh?"

Silvia.

"Bet your nights are even lonelier than mine."Trowa rests his head in his hands.

I let my gaze fall to the table."You know, people are always so understanding when you lose someone you love.They know that the emotional void is terrible.But they never think about the physical loss.I miss hugging Silvia.I miss kissing her, making love to her.I hate sleeping alone."I wish it were my turn for a shot."I can't do it."

"Was she the only one?"Trowa asks."Was she the only girl you had sex with?"

"Mm-hmm," I answer, nodding my head."I can't do it again—I haven't been with anyone since her.I've considered it—I've tried flirting with women, going home with them, even.But I can't bring myself to make love to anyone else.It gets so far and then I—I can't."

Trowa lifts my chin with his fingers, his green eyes gazing into mine and looking so much like Silvia's that it hurts."I've never made love to anyone."

What? 

He shakes his head, smiling sadly."I've had sex—I've fucked more men than I can count—but I've never made love to anyone."

Something about his words sends shivers down my spine.

He licks his wrist and begins to pour salt on it."Oh hell," he murmurs, dropping his head to the table with a thunk.The saltshaker tumbles to the floor and he lets his arm fall over his hair."Why do I even bother drinking this stuff?"

I have an urge to finish the shot for him.I don't know why.But then again, I don't know why I came over tonight, either.I stare at his wrist, dotted with tiny white crystals, and I wonder if it'd taste the same as when I lick it off my own skin.I listen to my mind—my body—and take his hand in mine.

Trowa lifts his head, startled.His eyes are suddenly wide. 

I lower my mouth to his wrist, licking off the salt.

But I can't pull away.I don't want to.

May 19th—Trowa Barton—2:35 a.m.

The feel of his tongue on my flesh alone is enough to sober me up.I've been coming down off this buzz for the last fifteen minutes—but now my mind is plummeting.

The salt is gone.It has to be.But his lips, his tongue, are still there, gently moving against my skin.Oh God, this is what I've wanted more than anything.My stomach twists as his mouth presses more firmly against my pulse.

He's not drunk.I remember all too well what he's like when he's drunk.

His lips move downward, licking the palm of my hand.I swallow hard.

He pulls away suddenly, grabbing the tequila bottle and taking a gulp.In the same motion, he snatches up a lime and crushes it into his mouth.I'm fascinated.His eyes meet mine as he slams the bottle back on the table, and before I know it, his mouth is against mine, limejuice seeping from his mouth down my chin and neck.His kiss is forceful, but I don't care.Quatre is kissing me.And this time I won't stop him.I can't stop him.He gets to his feet, leaning over so our mouths don't part.His hands press down on my bare legs as I grab at his shirt—anything to prove to myself that this is really Quatre.

He withdraws, kneeling in front of my chair and staring at me with wide eyes."I need this, Trowa," he whispers."I need you."I nod silently, excruciatingly aware of his palms on my thighs.

I cautiously reach out to touch his cheek with my calloused fingertips.For some reason, he hardly seems like the man I've known for the past ten years.He's more like the quiet, sweet boy that caught my attention all those years ago.He makes me feel like the boy who first fell for him.I lean forward and kiss him slowly, relishing the feeling of his mouth against mine.

For some reason, it seems more real than any of the other kisses we've shared.They were all aggressive, forceful.But this tender kiss makes me tremble inside.The sensation of his tongue running leisurely over my bottom lip is more tantalizing that anything I've ever tasted.My head is spinning, and I know it's not from the tequila.

I pull away from him, trying to regain my composure."Is this just because you need laid—or is it something else?"I have to know; I want him to want me—not anyone else.I want him to make love to me, rather than just having empty, meaningless sex.I could do that with anyone in the world except Quatre.

He brushes my hair out of my eyes, staring at me for a long moment."I—I don't—it's you.I need you.I _want _you."His expression is a mixture of pain and fear."I want to be able to sleep tonight—with you."His eyes flicker back and forth, focusing on mine intently.He means it.

My body aches with arousal upon hearing his words, despite the massive amounts of alcohol.I've never wanted anyone more."I want only you, Quatre," I whisper, lowering my lips to his again."For fifteen years, I've wanted only you."His tongue feels so cool against mine; he tastes just as I remembered, just as I'd imagined in all my fantasies.I withdraw slowly, hesitant to end the sensations."But you don't know what a one night stand feels like, do you?"

He shakes his head and moves to pull my t-shirt off; I raise my arms to assist him.Once that's accomplished, I'm surprised by the onslaught of his lips on my chest.I close my eyes, for a moment forgetting everything I needed to say to him.

No.Not yet.I push him away."You've never fucked a guy one night and woke up not remembering what his face looked like, what color his hair was.I've forgotten the names of most of the people I've slept with."I stand up and turn away from him.I'm sorry my voice is so cold.I'm sorry that I could be preventing the one thing we both want so badly."I don't want you to be just another notch in the bedpost." 

"Trowa," Quatre begins seriously, putting his hand on my shoulder."Other than my wife, you are the only person I could ever do this with."He touches my face softly, reminding me of Silvia in his tenderness."We'll remember this.It's . . ." he looks away briefly, and when he glances back, his face is tinged with pink."With you and me, it's special." 

It's still just one night, though.I know we won't be calling each other tomorrow night, trying to arrange another time to meet.We won't go on any dates.No one will ever know that it happened.Practically just another fantasy.

I look down at him, meeting his turquoise eyes.He needs me.I'd be crazy to turn him down.This is what I've wanted since we were kids.I close my eyes, pulling his body against mine.His lips graze my neck, moving upward to gently nibble on my earlobe.I cast aside the last few threads of uncertainty and begin to unbutton his shirt.

"Yes," I finally agree.My hands drift downward, unbuckling his belt.A live-action fantasy is a whole lot warmer than a mental one.

"Trowa," Quatre whispers softly in my ear."You mean more to me than—" he sucks in his breath as I yank his pants open."You're practically a part of me."

I pause, staring at this man that I've loved for as long as I can remember.For an instant I think of walking away.Quatre doesn't get it—he can't see past tonight.I close my eyes as his hand smoothes my hair from my face."You're practically a part of me, too."

May 19th—Duo Maxwell—12:57 p.m.

Trowa's apartment is a wreck.I'm not used to the neat freak being so messy.But with the combination of clothes thrown around, the remains of a drinking fest, and several things knocked onto the floor, it kind of reminds me of the room we shared back at the Preventor barracks—my half.

"I take it you had some kind of wild party last night?"I don't try to keep the pride from my voice.

Trowa gives a sarcastic laugh as he comes out of the kitchen.The first thing I notice is the nasty bruise on his forehead.Then I see that he's got water and aspirin.He looks like the wrong side of a brawl.

"What the hell happened to your head?" I ask."Or do you even remember?"

He scowls at me."I remember everything.I hit my head on the table."Man, something's bothering him today.

I shrug, offering the present I brought.Hilde picked it out, so it's probably lame—something like a book or music."It's from Hilde and the kids," I inform him as he takes it."She's been complaining ever since you moved out here about how we never see you—but wasn't even able to come deliver this in person."

He peeks inside the gift bag and smiles slightly."Be sure to thank her for me," he comments as he sets it on the coffee table.

I move to get a look inside—I'm really curious as to how lame this present really is—but something stops me.I see a familiar-looking belt under the table.Trowa doesn't even wear belts.He has those tight-ass jeans.But it looks so . . . familiar.I pick it up and examine it.

"I take it this was a private party?"

He flushes slightly."Why do you always make inquiries about my personal life?"His voice is dull.

I shrug again, wanting to make him smile."'Cause it's personal.'Cause you're the only bachelor—well . . . I guess Quatre's a bachelor, too."Then it hits me.This is Quatre's belt.

My eyes snap up to Trowa, but he doesn't meet my gaze.He's looking at a balled-up jacket on the couch.Also Quatre's.What the hell happened here?

No.They couldn't have.Could they?

I drop the belt with a clatter.The buckle scratches the table surface, but Trowa doesn't seem to care.He doesn't even look over.Damn.This is bad.

"Trowa," I growl. "Who was here with you last night?"

His eyes finally meet mine."Just . . . a guy I met."

He's lying.I know it was Quatre, and he knows that I know.But I'll play his game."Was it good?"

"No."A small smile tugs at his lips."It was amazing."His voice shakes slightly.

I'm happy for him, in a way.I know that being with Quatre is the one thing that can make him happy—the one thing he's wanted more than anything.But Quatre's not the most emotionally stable guy I know; he's still screwed up over Silvia.I wonder if it was Trowa's idea, or if it's something that just happened."Are you happy about it?"Is Quatre?

He shrugs casually."Maybe."

He's acting _too_ casual.I know he's just covering up his real feelings, like always.It bugs me—this time it's not just _his_ emotions I'm concerned about.

"So nothing came of it?"I try not to sound bitter, but I don't like the idea of Trowa messing around with Quatre—not if there isn't anything to be gained.He might be used to this sort of thing, but I'm certain Quatre's not so thick-skinned.

Trowa sits down on the couch, holding his head in his hands."I don't know . . ." he sighs, leaning back against the cushions and staring at the ceiling."I thought . . .It was a one-time thing, I guess."

"You guess?" I ask incredulously.I can't believe his nerve.Not only does he have sex with a guy who's still in mourning, but he's only letting it be a one-night stand?!"You don't just fuck your friends, Trowa.You knew what you were doing!"His best friend.

He doesn't answer; his eyes are still glued to the ceiling.But his fists are clenched.His expression scares me—I'm not used to Trowa being so angry—and something else I don't quite recognize.But I can't help but be a little more worried about Quatre—I doubt he can handle one-night stands the way Trowa can. 

"What did you do?Get him drunk?"

"No."

"Were _you_ drunk?"Maybe he didn't know what he'd been doing.Maybe he'd confessed to Quatre in a fit of drunkenness, and all this came out of it.I kind of hoped that was the case.

He looks over at me and I'm shocked by his hurt expression."It wasn't like that Duo.I love him.We both made the conscious decision."

"Really?" I ask."Then why am I here?Why isn't he the one talking to you now instead of me?!"

Trowa glares at me."Duo—don't blame me for this."His voice is harsh and thick with emotion, and I'm surprised by the shine of tears in his eyes.Has he ever cried before?"It wasn't my idea—I'm not the one who walked out before he woke up."

[Click here to go on to Part Thirteen][1]

[Click here to return to Part Eleven][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_211.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_209.html



	14. Part Thirteen: Do You . . .

Warnings: um . . . well, yaoi implications (thought-wise, not action-wise) and Quatre's kind of acting like a bastard, occasionally.sweatdrop

Disclaimer:The characters, organizations, and such belong to Sunrise and the Sotsu Agency.The twisted things that are going on in their lives and minds belong to me.Hopefully, no one will be offended.

C&C: yes, please!

From Forever to Forever

Part Thirteen: Do You . . . 

New Year's Day, A.C. 211—Quatre Winner—7:58 a.m.

I look down at the itinerary in front of me.The discussion about colonial self-governing rights won't come up until after the break; that's when I'll have to speak out against the Earth Sphere ban on homosexual marriages.

I wonder if Silvia would be happy that I've picked up her argument.Or would she question my motives?Hell, I've questioned my motives.No matter how many times I tell myself that I'm doing this for Sil, all I can think about is Trowa.

It happened again a couple of months ago—in November.I'd vowed to myself that I wouldn't do it again—I was lucky that Trowa was able to remain friends after the first time.But we were alone; Maja had gone to bed, and we were sitting in my office, talking.I can't even remember what we were discussing.I offered him a drink, and one thing led to another.

That night—just like the first time—I was lying in bed watching Trowa sleep.I felt such a powerful affection for him that it scared me.It wasn't just sex—I knew that from the very beginning, but it was alarming to be so blatently reminded.I needed him—I needed to know that I wasn't alone.After I stared at him for at least an hour, I had to leave.The tender smile etched on his face made my heart beat out of rhythm.Having him next to me made me more content than I had been in a long time. These feelings—they were too familiar.

I don't want to fall in love with him.

I close my eyes, rubbing my temples.I have to stop thinking about him and focus on the political issues.I'm not here for him.I'm here for Silvia—I'm doing it for her.

"Mr. Winner?" my secretary whispers."Are you all right?"

I nod.I'm not all right, though.I don't know what's wrong with me; I haven't been myself since Silvia died.

Except for those two times, lying there with Trowa.Something about that felt right.

I feel sick.

I won't let myself fall for him.

Glancing across the table, I notice WuFei whispering to Relena.They've changed over the years—Relena is much more subdued and WuFei has taken more of an interest in politics and life, rather than death and justice.But they're the same people.I bet they don't lie awake at night, wondering if they'll ever be themselves again.Wondering if they've done the right thing.I bet they hardly notice they've changed.I lose focus of the meeting, wondering if getting myself back is worth letting go of Silvia. 

New Year's Day—WuFei Chang—11:58 a.m.

I make my way over to the buffet table, where Quatre's pouring a cup of tea.He glances over at me and gives a half-hearted smile.

"Nice speech," I compliment.It was well done—even Relena agrees that the legislation will probably be passed, if the entire parliament is given a chance to hear it.

"Thank you."His voice sounds . . . hollow."Yours was rather convincing, too."

I shrug."It's not hard to convince people that bio-chemical warfare testing on earth or in the colonies is a bad thing.Sally was the one who did all the research, though."She had supported my political endeavors from the beginning—I couldn't ask for anything more from her.Quatre nods, his expression passive.I decide to change the subject."Isn't today Maja's birthday?"

"Yes."His voice is quiet."She's with Trowa right now—he's been taking care of her while I'm here."

I'm not sure how to react to his behavior—I've never seen him quite like this.I'm sure it's because of Silvia.He's been going downhill for the past two and a half years.Certainly his whole political interest is a way of keeping her close to him.Just like I did with Meiran.

"You can't hold on to Silvia forever," I remind him gently.His body tenses."Continuing her battles will do nothing to help you."

He bristles with anger."What do you know?" he asks, his voice suddenly cold."You're assuming that I'm the same as you, WuFei.I loved her—you can't know what that's like—you never loved your wife."

I turn my back to him.He knows little about my life—he doesn't know how much her death really did hurt me."Everything I ever was during the war was a result of my love for Meiran," I hiss through clenched teeth."All my beliefs—everything I said about strength and justice—were just imitations of hers.The only reason I fought was because of her dying words."I'm amazed at how much it still hurts to talk about her."It took me almost fifteen years to realize that I was trying to live her life instead of my own.I was searching for justice—trying to be the strong one—because that's what she expected of me.Because of my love for Meiran, I almost denied my love for Sally.You can't ignore yourself—your life—because of Silvia's death.You have a daughter to take care of.You haven't been yourself."

"What if I told you . . . " he trails off, and I turn around to look at him curiously.

"What?"I haven't heard Quatre sound that shy since he was a kid.

For a moment he looks at me, a confused and pained expression on his face.Then he shakes his head and speaks, his voice low and thick."I'm not trying to take over all of her battles.This one was the most important to her, and I want it settled—for Silvia as well as for my colony.But you're right—about me, and about Maja."He walks away, heading over to his seat again.His face looks determined—not at all like it was before.

I sigh, irritated.I don't know what's going on in this world anymore.

New Year's Day—TrowaBarton—12:21 p.m.

I don't know if she'll enjoy the circus as much as I do, but it's the only spur-of-the-moment entertainment I can come up with.

Of course, I haven't minded spending the week with Maja.I just hadn't expected Quatre to go on a business trip with a two-day notice.

"Is Catherine here?" Maja asks, absently pulling her long, blonde hair off of her neck.She's only met Catherine twice, but they were instantly drawn to each other.

"Yeah, she should be around here somewhere."I lead her toward the lion cages.She's never shown a particular interest in them, as far as I know—but who doesn't like lions?

She squats down in front of the cage, reaching out to pet one.Before I can think to warn her, the largest female comes over, nuzzling against her hand."They like me," she laughs.

"Mm-hmm."I take one of her hair bands from my pocket and quickly pull her hair up into a ponytail.The climate on this colony is horrible for long hair, but it's probably the one thing she's vain about.I can't blame her.Her hair is as golden and shiny as Quatre's, and smells like pears.For a moment I wonder if his hair is quite this soft.I can't remember.

"Would you like me to bring out the lions later on?"Catherine will probably kill me, but she knows I'll do anything to keep Maja happy.

"Trowa Barton, don't even think about it unless you clear it with the others first!" Catherine cries out from somewhere behind me."You'd think a man who's worked in a circus would know better than that!"

She walks over, giving a one-armed hug; in her other hand she balances a tray of hotdogs and juice.She's the perfect single mom—one of those women that can juggle everything that's thrown her way.

"I brought lunch," she says, smiling."The boys are with their dad—they probably wouldn't have gone if they knew you were coming.It's your birthday today, isn't it, kiddo?" 

"Yep."Maja flashes us a smile.

Catherine shakes her head."Has anyone told you how much you look like your father?"I was thinking the same thing.

Maja nods, rolling her eyes."I think Mom used to tell me that every day."

Catherine smiles gently, then turns to me."You have a call; you can take it in my trailer."She sits down beside the girl, beginning a conversation.Maja doesn't hesitate to begin eating.Her appetite reminds me of Duo.

I make my way over to the trailer, wondering who would be calling.No one knew I was here.I'm greeted with the face of Quatre Winner.He's smiling—well, as much as he ever does these days.

"I had a feeling you'd be here today," he says, rather than hello.

"She seems to like lions.How can I resist?"

"I just want you to know that I've arranged to come home early—tonight, in fact—but I want to surprise Maja.Okay?"

I nod slightly; has he always been so abrupt?When did we stop talking to each other? Have we even had a real conversation since Silvia died?I can't remember a single one—other than our first night.But then again, he's a busy man.And I—well, I try to keep myself from thinking along these lines.

He gives me a rushed goodbye and I head back over to the picnic table.Catherine excuses herself, and I take her seat.

"It was Dad?" Maja asks.

I nod.

"You know, if you love him so much, you should marry him."

Her words shock me."What are you talking about, Maja?"

"Dad.I know you love him—it's obvious.You should get married."

"Maja, come on.Men don't marry men.They marry women."I can hardly believe it when I find myself saying the same terrible thing her father had said all those years ago.The familiar words still sting.

She raises her eyebrows as she takes a bite of her hotdog."That's not what Dad says," she informs me before swallowing her food.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," I admonish, not showing how shaken I am by her words."What do you mean by that?"

She chews quickly and swallows before speaking."He's been lobbying for a new law allowing homosexual marriages in the colonies.I guess it's something Mom had been working on for a long time."

Since when do ten-year-olds know about lobbyists and homosexual rights?Maja's never been ordinary, though.I shouldn't be surprised."Just because men _can_ marry doesn't mean they _should_."

She raises an eyebrow in the same way her mother used to when she knew I was lying."What's more important than marrying someone you love?"

"How about making sure that it's what the person you love wants?"I can hear the pinch of pain in my voice and I'm ashamed of letting it slip.I never imagined I'd be having this conversation with Maja, of all people.Not in a thousand years.

She wipes her fingers on a napkin and takes a gulp of her fruit punch."Ah," she sighs, "ghal Tat ish-shaaTir bi-'alf ghalTa."

So Quatre taught her Arabic."What does that mean?"

She laughs."'The clever man's mistakes are equal to a thousand mistakes.'In other words, gifted people like you should take special care not to make blunders.It's something Dad always says."

I'm getting tired of hearing about what Quatre says."And what kind of cryptic message is that?"I hate proverbs.

"You don't take risks, do you?"

"I'm a Preventor.My life is a risk."

She smiles slightly, looking more like Silvia than she ever has in her life."I mean _emotional _risks.You wear your heart on your sleeve, but you won't do what it tells you to."

So she thinks I should say something to him?For a split second, I let myself consider it.

I shake my head, disgusted with myself.

I'm not going to take romantic advice from a ten-year-old.

[Click here to go on to Part Fourteen][1]

[Click here to return to Part Twelve][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_212.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_210.html



	15. Part Fourteen: . . . Take This Man?

This part is really the emotional climax of the whole piece, I suppose.Quatre really isn't as much of a bastard as he seems.I apologize if he comes across this way—I keep trying to bear in mind that the reader doesn't really know what's going on between the chapters, as I do.Anyhow, look out for low-flying shounen ai/yaoi and lots of angst and foul language!

Disclaimer: GW isn't mine.If it were, there would've been a heck of a lot more Trowa/Quatre scenes!(Forget "subtle hints"—they'd be all over each other!!)

C&C?I'd love some!

From Forever to Forever

Part Fourteen: . . . Take This Man?

Christmas Eve, A.C. 212—Heero Yuy—5:32 p.m.

"I'm not listening to this, Duo."Quatre's voice is quiet but fierce.I pause outside of his office, hiding in the shadows of the dim hallway, so I might not be noticed.I've never seen Duo and Quatre argue.

Duo slams his hands down on the large mahogany desk."Do you even realize what you're doing?"

It's about time someone talked to Quatre about this.Ever since Silvia died, he's become withdrawn and secluded.That's perfectly normal, of course—but it's been three years.We've expected him to get better—not worse.

Quatre sits down behind his desk, resting his chin on his hands.His expression is stubborn."What am I doing?" he asks, his eyes unusually cold as he stares at Duo.

Duo's voice is low, almost a growl."You're using him."He clenches his teeth and continues."You're using Trowa like your personal whore—have you thought about the way he feels whenever you fuck him and run away?"

I catch myself before I gasp with astonishment.Quatre and Trowa?I knew Trowa was gay—but Quatre?How long has this been going on?

Quatre looks up at Duo with wide eyes and a shocked expression."You know?" he asks in a choked whisper.

"I've known since the first morning after," Duo replies with a sarcastic laugh."You left your belt at his apartment in your rush to escape."

Quatre's face darkens."It wasn't like that."

"Really?Try explaining that to _him_.Every time I see him he looks worse!He's _miserable_."

I hadn't really noticed many changes in Trowa—but apparently I'm not as observant as Duo.I didn't realize Trowa was gay until Duo said so; and I hadn't realized Trowa and Quatre were together, either.

Duo sits down in the chair across from Quatre, leaning on the desk."How many times has it happened, Quatre?"

Quatre's answer is so soft that I have to strain my ears to hear him."Four times."He won't look Duo in the eye.Is he ashamed of having sex with Trowa, or of the way he's been treating him?

Duo sighs, exasperated."Where do you want this thing to go, Quatre?You can either stop it all together, or move forward.But you can't keep on like you have been.You're killing him.He loves you—he has since we were kids!"

"I know," Quatre answers, hanging his head.After a long pause, he looks up at Duo with a determined expression."You're right.I have to put an end to this."

Duo frowns, his face mirroring my own."So you're gonna break it off with him, then?"

Quatre's about to answer when the phone beeps shrilly, making all three of us jump.

"Yes?" Quatre asks curtly.

"Mr. Winner—we have an emergency.Is there any way you can come down to the office?I know it's Christmas Eve, but—"

Quatre cuts his secretary off with a wave of his hand."No, I understand; I take it you've figure out who's been embezzling, then?"He rubs his closed eyes."I'll be there in twenty minutes."

Duo sighs and turns off the screen."Do you want me to make your excuses?"

Quatre shakes his head, looking distracted."I'll go."He stands up, running his hands through his hair and walking toward the door.

I immediately start walking toward him, as if I had been coming down the hall rather than standing around eavesdropping.I nearly bump into Quatre.

"H-Hilde's wondering where Duo ran off to," I blurt out, surprised at the way my voice is shaking.I try not to avoid Quatre's gaze—I don't want to look as guilty as I feel.

Quatre pushes past wordlessly and Duo casually flips his braid back over his shoulder."Jeesh—a guy can't leave her side for a few minutes!"He laughs light-heartedly, perfectly masking his anger with Quatre.

He drags me back to the living room, where Quatre's kissing Maja goodbye and assuring everyone that he'll be back soon.Duo leans up against the wall next to Hilde, crossing his arms and examining the Arabian.The corners of his lips turn down in a slight frown.

I glance over at Trowa, searching for some sort of reaction from him.He is watching Quatre with a blank expression.

But something about him seems different.He looks lost.

Christmas Eve—Trowa Barton—11:48 p.m.

"What time is it?"

I turn around to see Quatre in the doorway, rubbing his eyes slowly.I wonder where he's been all this time.Was it just the office, or has he been avoiding coming home?

"It's almost midnight.Everyone's gone."I don't bother hiding the anger that's creeping into my voice.I dry my hands on a towel, not looking at him."I tucked Maja into bed about an hour ago."I don't tell him that she'd been adamant about waiting up for him.

"Thank you," he says, sitting at the kitchen table."You didn't have to do the dishes, though."

I shrug.I only did it to keep myself busy while I waited for him.I had to make sure he came back before morning.He may not believe in Christmas, but his daughter does.There could be nothing worse for her than waking up tomorrow morning to find her father still gone.Wondering where he'd been all night.And who he was with.

"What happened that was so important?" I ask, wondering if his company really had been in trouble, or if he had been searching for a way out of the dinner party.What kind of problem takes five hours to solve? I remind myself that it's none of my business, either way, but I can't help wanting to know.

He sighs."There were some problems at the main office building.For the past month I've noticed that the numbers weren't adding up properly—my assistant managed to put all the pieces together and figured out who the embezzler was before she went home for the day.They waited until it was absolutely necessary to tell me, though."Letting out another sigh, he rests his head on his folded arms."I wish they'd waited a bit longer."His voice is muffled and tired.

I grudgingly agree that it was a valid reason to skip out on dinner, but it's been happening so often lately.I remember a time when Quatre would've taken the call and insisted that his top executives handle it without him.Now he finds any justification to leave.Is he even aware of his daughter?Does he realize that he's hurting her, too?I know why he's doing it, but I'm past the point of being sympathetic.Instead of getting better as time goes by, Quatre's handling this worse and worse.

"You know," I begin, taking a deep breath, "drowning yourself in your business or your colonial politics isn't going to bring Silvia back."I know I'm treading on dangerous ground.I'm sure raising Maja and living each day without her is hard, but it's the kind of thing he's got to get used to.

His head snaps up and he gives me a threatening look.It's clear I'm not the first person who ever said something to him about it."Trowa," he growls, "you don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't I?" I counter harshly."You're never around—you're always on business meetings or tied down with politics."I pace across the kitchen, trying to keep my voice down in case Maja's still awake."I don't even see you anymore—none of us do.And if you do manage to visit, you end up running away with your endless excuses.It's like you're trying to solve everyone else's crises without realizing that you have your own problems that need to be dealt with!Damn it, instead of facing life without her you've started drinking, even!"

I stop abruptly.Quatre only drank a few times—and every time he did, we ended up in bed.I stare at him, surprised I had the guts to even hint at that—so far it's been a forbidden topic with us.Quatre shifts uncomfortably in his chair.

Then it dawns on me.It's not the others he's avoiding.It's not the memories of Silvia that he's fighting.He doesn't want to be near me.He knows it will happen again, and obviously he doesn't care for the complicated messiness of the whole business."This isn't about Silvia, is it?" I ask, my voice low.I know my hands are shaking, but I hope my voice is steady."This is about me."

He stands up, not meeting my gaze.

It's over.

Duo was right—nothing could come of us.It has to end sometime.I'm not prepared for the sudden pain of it, though—my chest feels like it's been shot full of holes.

"I'm sorry Trowa, but I can't let myself—"

I cut him off angrily."Look, I don't care what you feel about me—you just shouldn't take it out on Maja or anyone else.If you couldn't handle what's been going on you should've stopped before it got out of hand!"I throw the towel onto the counter irritably.He should've stopped before I got so involved.

I was involved before it began. 

"That's _not_ what I'm talking about!" Quatre insists, glaring at me.He reaches into a cupboard and pulls out a bottle of champagne.His face softens slightly."Trowa—can't we talk?"

I look at the bottle, then back at him.I can't believe this is happening."Great," I spit out at him."Just what I wanted.I get to be fucked this Christmas."

Christmas Eve—Quatre Winner—11:55 p.m.

"No thank you!" he continues with venom.

I watch him grab his coat and storm out of the kitchen without saying a word.I follow him, wanting to call him back, but I'm afraid of what I might say.I'm afraid of what I might confess.As I reach the foyer, he's leaving.The door slams behind him, echoing in the quiet room.

"Dad?"Maja's voice draws my eyes up to the darkened landing.

"You're still up?"I ask.She should've been asleep by now.I glance once more at the door.I should go after him.

"I-I wanted to say goodnight."I climb the stairs wearily, wishing I could go talk to Trowa.Maja takes my hand and leads me back to her bedroom.

As she climbs back into her bed, I glance around the room.She's like every other eleven-year-old—no, nearly twelve-year-old girl, with pictures of her favorite actors and music groups plastered over the pale blue walls.But on her nightstand I see three framed photographs.One is the last family portrait we had taken.She was seven, and I was holding her in my lap while Silvia stood behind us with her hands resting on my shoulders.A happy family.Another picture is a snapshot, taken the day after she was born, of Silvia holding her.I can remember taking that photo.

The last photograph is the one that surprises me the most.I have no idea where she got it—it's not one I've ever seen before.It has Trowa and me, wearing our Preventor uniforms and standing in front of the barracks.We look like kids.I wonder if Trowa gave it to Maja—and when.I don't remember him looking so— 

"Daddy?" she asks, nearly causing me to jump.She hasn't called me that for at least a year now.I sit on the bed next to her as she tries to make herself more comfortable, like a cat.Once she's done she looks up at me with big eyes."Why were you and Trowa arguing?"

"You heard us?"

She nods. "I was coming downstairs to say goodnight.But then I heard his voice."

I don't even know where to begin.I'm afraid she'll be hurt by what Trowa said.By what I've been doing."Did you hear what we were saying?"

"No," she answers, "but I saw him leave.Why do you fight if you love him?"

What?

She half-smiles at me, reminding me more of Silvia than she ever has before."Mom told me a long time ago that Trowa loves you—when you had to go on that mission.But now I can tell that you love him, too."

"What makes you think that?" I ask Maja, my voice choking.

She smiles at me, closing her eyes and snuggling against her pillow."You look at him with different eyes.They're sparkly and you're nicer when you're with Trowa."

I am?"Do you think I should stop?"I have to stop now.

Maja shakes her head and looks up at me again."I think Mom would rather see Trowa taking care of you than seeing you like this."

"Like what?" I ask.I wonder when my little girl became so wise.

She shrugs."Like a zombie."

I nod.I have been a zombie lately.Maybe it's time to start living again—to start loving again. 

I lean over and kiss her forehead, turning off the lamp on her nightstand.Before I can make it to the door, though, she speaks up.

"I wouldn't mind if you decide to marry Trowa, Daddy."

"Go to sleep, Maja," I say sternly, closing the door behind me.

I pause at the top of the stairs, not sure if I should go to bed or chase Trowa.The question lingers for less than a second.If I hurry, I might be able to reach his apartment before he does.And then I can tell him everything.If I don't, I may never see him again.

I rush down the steps and out the front door.Trowa's car is still in the driveway; he tries to start the engine, but it sounds like it's flooded.He drops his head onto the steering wheel.Even from far away I can see his entire body shaking.

What have I done to him?

I walk over to his door, tapping lightly on the window.He gets out wordlessly, leaning against the vehicle and crossing his arms over his chest.He's still mad.I can't blame him.

"What?"

I swallow nervously."I only left because I was scared."

He looks at me skeptically."What are you talking about?"

I explain."All the times you woke up and I was gone—I was afraid of the way you made me feel.I was afraid that I'd lose Silvia if I let myself fall in love with you."

I pause, but he says nothing.His silence scares me and in a panic I wonder if I should try to take back my words.But then I notice something in his eyes.He doesn't give, but he softens.Just enough to give me courage."But I think," I begin quietly."I think I was a little in love with you before I ever met her."I lay one hand on his shoulder, reaching up to his cheek with the other.How did I go so long without noticing how beautiful my friend is?

He flinches."What do you want from me, Quatre?" he demands, his voice shaky.The tears in his eyes send sharp stabs into my heart.

"Everything," I whisper."I want to be with you.Trowa, I want a real relationship.I love you."My heart beats erratically as I wait for his response.He just looks at me.I force myself to keep going."I-is it too late?"

Trowa sighs, laying his hand over mine.I stare up at him, hardly believing the action."I thought it was," he admits in a choked whisper, "but I guess I'd wait forever for you."

[Click here to go on to Part Fifteen][1]

[Click here to return to Part Thirteen][2]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_213.html
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/quatre_sama_195/Noventa_211.html



	16. Part Fifteen: Till Death >

Author's Note:Wow—here it is: the final installment.Special thanks to Ryoko-oneechan, for editing and being patient and err, helping me with the lemony scenes.Special thanks to Calla, for listening to me rave about GW since I the first day I worked with her.More special thanks to Lilias-jiejie, who hopped on board last, but definitely did not contribute the least.A better sampler/editor/online friend I've never seen!Speaking of online support, I would be crazy not to mention the wondrous slave-driver, hyuy.Though I must say, I was beginning to *enjoy*** **the whip!Extra-special thanks to Sarahfish, because she's cool.Actually, thanks go to her because she gave me an ideal time frame for my work. (I wanted to have this done by the time you got back, S-fish.Err…sorry it's late!This saga's for you!)And as a final note…ah…3x4/4x3 Forever!!! author takes a bow to the thunderous cheers of…Quatre and Trowa

Disclaimer: I'm not an owner of Gundam Wing.I'm a poor widdle college girl (i.e. no money).Please don't sue.

C&C: mail away!!

From Forever to Forever

Part Fifteen: Till Death

Christmas Day, A.C. 213—Hilde Maxwell—7:18 p.m.

Even though I'm thirty-three years old, Christmas still affects me the same way it did when I was a kid.Watching the twins run around with new toys fills me with joy.And I know Duo feels the same way.He plays with their games more than they do each Christmas morning.He still has Judas's mobile suit toys.There's no way the boy's ever getting those back.

But now that Judas and Tresa are thirteen, I guess Duo won't be getting many more toys to play with.Except of course, for the video games . . . 

Relena and Heero's entrance snaps me out of my thoughtful trance. 

"Merry Christmas, everyone!" Relena cries happily before giving Duo a hearty embrace.The twins launch themselves at "Uncle Heero" and seven-year-old Irina shyly steps out from behind her father to give Trowa a brief hug.

"I'm glad you guys could make it," Quatre says merrily, coming into the foyer."We were worried when you didn't call."

Relena smiles apologetically."I'm sorry we're later than usual.We just came here from my brother's home—we've been terribly rushed all season."

"I know that feeling," Trowa answers, smiling as he glances at Quatre."Catherine wants me to go see her before the New Year—so I think that means I'll have to leave tomorrow or the day after."He rolls his eyes, obviously amused by his still-overprotective sister."But don't consider yourself late—you're right on time for dinner."

I take Irina's light jacket and drape it over a chair as we all head into the dining room.Quatre's already standing at the head of the table, lighting candles.

"Isn't this romantic?" Sally murmurs, hiding a sarcastic grin behind one hand.

"Why so fancy?" Duo asks.

Quatre shrugs."I want today to be special.We haven't been together for months."He smiles, looking more like himself than he has in the last five years."Oh—and I must warn everyone that I actually helped cook this year—you can blame me if something's horrible."

Maja plops down in her chair with a snort."I think it's the first time Dad's ever been in the kitchen."

Something catches my eye as Quatre's gesturing for us to begin serving.

"Quatre—are you wearing your wedding ring again?" I ask, trying to keep the worry from my voice.Duo told me that he was finally moving on.Maybe he was mistaken.He's acting more cheerful, but maybe it's a front to keep us all from worrying.

Sally, who is sitting next to him, glances over at him."Hnn.I thought your band was platinum."

Quatre blushes slightly, busying himself with the turkey.

Maja begins giggling, her eyes glued to her father.

"You didn't—did you?" Duo cries like a madman, jumping to his feet.

"What?" I ask.I can here Heero snickering beside me, and WuFei is smirking across the table.

"You ran off and got married again, didn't you?I suppose she' s some kid who had to spend Christmas with Mommy and Daddy?" Duo points at Quatre while throwing an accusing glare at Trowa."You're his best friend—why didn't you stop him?"

All eyes turn to Trowa.

"To be honest I didn't really want to," he says.He brushes his bangs out of his laughing eyes, and the candlelight catches his matching gold wedding band.

Christmas Day--Trowa Barton--9:23 p.m.

I lean against the balcony railing, smelling the cooling desert air.Something about tonight takes me back fifteen years—when I had confessed to Quatre on a similar balcony.It's strange how things can change over time.It had been the worst night of my life—but now the memory doesn't bring hurt.Occasionally there's a bittersweet ache when I recall all the years I spent trying to get over him, but now I can smile to myself, knowing that I was able to wait it out.

I wonder if he'll follow me out here.

Downstairs they're sharing their mandatory after-dinner stories.When I left, the kids had grown bored and went up to Maja's room to play, and Sally and Duo were preparing to arm-wrestle each other—apparently she had grown tired of his bragging.I decided to take the opportunity to sit back for a moment.

Behind me, in the bedroom, the door opens.So he did follow me.

After a moment, I feel his warm hand resting on the small of my back."Escaping?"

I smile."For a moment."

He joins me at the railing, lacing his fingers through mine.We're silent for a little while, just enjoying the company and the cool breeze.

"Trowa," he begins, turning toward me with a troubled expression, "I've apologized for everything I did over the past few years—but there's another thing that's been bothering me."

I nod slightly.So he's remembering that night, too.

"I was afraid of you—that's why I lashed out.And I'm sorry I let it ruin things between us for the next two years."He leans against me and I wrap my arms around him."I didn't talk to you because I was scared of the way you made me feel.I hated you for making me forget Silvia—even for an instant."

"You said something about that years ago," I whisper, kissing him softly."Do you even remember that bachelor party?"

He looks up at me with curious eyes."No—I hardly remember anything, other than waking up on the floor in the closet."

I smirk at him, amused by his innocent expression."Just who do you think you were in the closet with?"

He blushes slightly, burying his face in my collar."Thanks for not saying anything—to me or Silvia," he says, his voice muffled.

"Don't worry—it was only a kiss."He can't stand the idea of ever having been unfaithful to Silvia—so I can't let him think that any more happened than that.I lift his chin with my fingers, brushing my lips against his again."You know," I tease with a smile, "you're a flirt when you're drunk."

"Really?" Quatre's face lights up with amusement, making him look years younger than he is.

I nod."Damn near irresistible," I whisper gruffly, closing the gap between us.He kisses back eagerly, his tongue sliding against mine as his arms wind around my back.Even though we've been together for a year now—and married for several weeks—it never fails to amaze me that he's mine.His lips move to my jaw, tracing a line toward my ear.

"Trowa," he whispers between kisses, "we probably have quite a bit of time before anyone will notice that we're missing."

I've enjoyed this quirk of his—the way he always gets amorous during parties and the like.The thought is enticing, though, to say the least.I nod, unbuttoning his pants as he begins to nibble on my earlobe.As I finally get his zipper down, the sound of the bedroom door being slammed open makes us jump away from each other.

"Dad!Judas just tried to kiss m—"Maja's words cut off abruptly when Quatre spins away, fastening his pants quickly.Her face flushes, mirroring her father's."I—I'm sorry!"With a mortified expression, she immediately runs out of the room.

After a moment, Quatre looks at me with laughing eyes."Maybe we should go back downstairs."

I nod, but I don't move.I'm still waiting.He'll notice soon.

He begins to head inside but suddenly stops in his tracks."Did she just say—?"

"Yes.Don't strangle him."

Christmas Day—Quatre Winner—11:56 p.m.

I close the bathroom door behind me softly, glancing over to the bed.Trowa's sitting up, flipping through an old photo album.He's wearing reading glasses.Sometimes it's strange to realize how much older we've grown.I study the way his hair flops over the lenses.Older, but definitely wonderful.

He looks up at me, smiling slightly."Maja's already asleep.I checked on her."

I slide into bed beside him, watching him carefully.Something about his expression seems . . .different.

He takes out one picture, holding it up so I can see it.It's one of my favorites—Rashid giving Maja a piggy-back ride when she was two."This is cute," he says.With a sigh, he puts it back in the album.

I flip the book forward several pages, showing him a snapshot of Maja and me; we're both asleep on the sofa, the little infant cradled against my chest."That's my absolute favorite picture of her," I tell him.I like the way his eyes light up at the sight of it—there's no doubting how much he cares about us.

He sets the album on the nightstand, laying his glasses on top of it.He turns out the light and makes himself comfortable."You two are so close.It's great," he says, curling his body against mine.

I smile through the darkness, letting my fingers lace with his."Yeah, but sometimes I think she loves you more."

"No," Trowa whispers, his breath warm on my neck."She's just a little more open with me—I was never there for her potty training, or all the discipline.I was the fun guy who took her to the circus."

Even as a tiny kid, she was always anxious to run off with her Trowa.He probably had a lot of fun with her back then.Remembering Maja as a three-year-old is enough to make me shudder.Rambunctious hardly begins to describe her behavior.And I'm a little frightened of her upcoming teenage years—the idea of her stuffing her purse with glow-in-the-dark condoms is enough to turn my stomach.

But I won't have to go through it alone.I'll have Trowa with me.He won't allow me to let her get away with anything like that.And that makes me happier than I've been in a long time.

I pull back from him, cupping his face with my hands; his lips stretch into a sleepy smile."Would you want to experience all that?" I ask him.

His eyes, dark in the dim light, narrow with confusion."What do you mean, Quatre?"

I kiss him softly, winding one leg around his."Do you want to have a baby?Yours and mine?"I've never seen someone better with children than Trowa.He's a natural parent.

"Ours?"His voice is soft, almost in disbelief.

I nod."The genetic capabilities have been around for years—and artificial wombs even longer."I can hardly believe I'm proposing this idea.Ten years ago this would've never happened; I have Silvia to thank."What do you think?"

He's silent for a moment, thinking."I've never even considered having my own child," he whispers, sounding slightly in awe of the whole concept."It never seemed like a realistic option."He rolls onto his back, staring at the ceiling in contemplation.

I rest my head on his chest, wrapping an arm around his waist.His arms snake around me, holding me tightly.I can feel his steady heartbeat under my cheek—a constant rhythm in my life for the past year.I haven't been so content in such a long time.He's rejuvenated me—physically, emotionally.

"Our life is so perfect . . . so complete as it is," Trowa whispers, running a hand through my hair."All I've ever wanted was you and Maja—I don't want to change our little family just yet." He pauses."But—thank you.I know what this means to you, if you're willing to go against your own principles."

"My former principles, you mean," I correct."Even I can change over time."

"And aren't I glad of that!"He laughs gently, stroking the rift between my shoulder blades."I'd hate to think of what my life would be like if you hadn't—"His voice quivers before he cuts off completely.I look up to see his eyes close.

"I'd hate it too," I confess softly."I'd hate to think of what my life would be like if you hadn't believed in me."

He kisses my head, ruffling my hair with his fingers."I'll always believe in you, Quatre.No matter what happens."

"Forever?"My voice hardly forms the word.The last time it hadn't been long enough—I couldn't bear to have Trowa leave me, too.

He tilts my head up so our eyes meet.His gaze is intense."I'm not going anywhere," he promises seriously."I'm here forever."

The End


End file.
